Is My Mind Playing Tricks on Me??
Another reason I'm afraid of using a walker in public is that I'll be setting myself up for future embarrassment. I'll have to explain that one.
My original back flare up, that precipitated this difficulty walking, was caused by spending the better part of this last year taking care of our older daughter, as she was in and out of the hospital something like ten times for about 60 days total. I stayed with her constantly with each hospital trip, "sleeping" in a recliner, and my back paid for it.
I took care of her at home in between hospital visits, too, often getting up in the middle of the night for hours dealing with her needs. I all but single handedly packed and unpacked their things, as the apartment our SIL and she were in was not handicap accessible. The apartment people moved them from one apartment to a better one that she could get in and out of easily, and it had an extra bathroom, too, which was a big help. All that packing and unpacking took its toll on my back, too.
I survived by just about living off of Goody powders that whole year, as I kept a backache and a headache almost constantly. So why am I worried about being embarrassed??
Our daughter developed Peripheral Neuropathy as a result of nutritional deficiencies from Gastric Bypass surgery that she had had almost a year and a half before. In a matter of a couple of weeks, she went from noticing being a little clumsy to not being able to hardly stand at all!! It took them quite a while, with lots of second opinions and tons of tests to decide on a diagnosis and course of treatment, but she's doing fine now.
What worries me is that the stress of all this may have caused me to develop a psychosomatic illness, triggered by the very real pain I was experiencing from my herniated disk. When the epidurals took care of the pain, the walking did not improve. Here I am, with Peripheral Neuropathy, after helping our DD, who has Peripheral Neuropathy?? Sounds a little fishy to me, don't you think?? Oh, and before you jump to a wrong conclusion, dear reader, she's adopted, so that rules out a genetic link.
Our family knows just how much stress I have been under for some time, as I have been the care giver for my mother and FIL with Alzheimer's, my DH with cancer, and have had surgery myself, besides taking care of our DD. I've also been the main care giver for my Daddy, who is now 101, lives by himself, and is legally blind. Yes, he's amazing!
My family will understand if I am suddenly "cured", because it turned out to be all in my mind, and not a physical problem. I'm not so sure others will be so forgiving, but will think I was trying to get sympathy or something, using the walker when I didn't "need" it.
My original back flare up, that precipitated this difficulty walking, was caused by spending the better part of this last year taking care of our older daughter, as she was in and out of the hospital something like ten times for about 60 days total. I stayed with her constantly with each hospital trip, "sleeping" in a recliner, and my back paid for it.
I took care of her at home in between hospital visits, too, often getting up in the middle of the night for hours dealing with her needs. I all but single handedly packed and unpacked their things, as the apartment our SIL and she were in was not handicap accessible. The apartment people moved them from one apartment to a better one that she could get in and out of easily, and it had an extra bathroom, too, which was a big help. All that packing and unpacking took its toll on my back, too.
I survived by just about living off of Goody powders that whole year, as I kept a backache and a headache almost constantly. So why am I worried about being embarrassed??
Our daughter developed Peripheral Neuropathy as a result of nutritional deficiencies from Gastric Bypass surgery that she had had almost a year and a half before. In a matter of a couple of weeks, she went from noticing being a little clumsy to not being able to hardly stand at all!! It took them quite a while, with lots of second opinions and tons of tests to decide on a diagnosis and course of treatment, but she's doing fine now.
What worries me is that the stress of all this may have caused me to develop a psychosomatic illness, triggered by the very real pain I was experiencing from my herniated disk. When the epidurals took care of the pain, the walking did not improve. Here I am, with Peripheral Neuropathy, after helping our DD, who has Peripheral Neuropathy?? Sounds a little fishy to me, don't you think?? Oh, and before you jump to a wrong conclusion, dear reader, she's adopted, so that rules out a genetic link.
Our family knows just how much stress I have been under for some time, as I have been the care giver for my mother and FIL with Alzheimer's, my DH with cancer, and have had surgery myself, besides taking care of our DD. I've also been the main care giver for my Daddy, who is now 101, lives by himself, and is legally blind. Yes, he's amazing!
My family will understand if I am suddenly "cured", because it turned out to be all in my mind, and not a physical problem. I'm not so sure others will be so forgiving, but will think I was trying to get sympathy or something, using the walker when I didn't "need" it.
Labels: difficulty walking, headache, herniated disk, peripheral neuropathy, psychosomatic
posted by Dirty Butter @ 9:39 AM
2 Comments:
At 8/27/2006 8:49 AM ,
Ruth said...
The mind/body connection is a tricky one and often there is an interplay between both. I've learned over the course of the years as I deal with my disability that I'm much more comfortable doing what my doctors tell me to do (eg use a walker) and trying to let go of what people think. For example, I have impairment in my hands and arms. People will comment that I can do things if they see me move my arm at all! I will joke sometimes that I've been cured LOL Of course there are many variations with paralysis. The truth is most people don't/won't understand my disability (or yours) but we can take care of our bodies and work as hard as we can to get into the best health we can, if that makes sense...try not to be so hard on yourself!
At 8/27/2006 1:47 PM ,
Dirty Butter said...
I've already told the Neurologist about my suspicion of it being in my mind, and he seemed to dismiss that as the least likely diagnosis, so it's just my own head talk working against me, I guess. Thanks for the pep talk, Ruth. I appreciate it.
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