Saying Goodbye
The Hospice nurse told me today that the nurse who stayed Saturday thought he had a heart attack that night. I had been guessing maybe two more weeks at the most, based on Daddy's refusal to let me put anything in his mouth. She told me to be thinking more like days. I've said my goodbye's, tried to finish the sentences he was struggling to get out, and he's ready - well past ready. I didn't have to hear the individual words to know the cadence of his "I wish this would hurry up and get over with," as I've been hearing that for some time now.
Saying goodbye is never easy, but our first Hospice experience taught us that it is important. Even if you don't think the person is aware enough to hear you, the loving words need to be said. And if they can't respond, you need to speak out loud for them, saying what you know they would say to you if they could. Not easy.
Saying goodbye is never easy, but our first Hospice experience taught us that it is important. Even if you don't think the person is aware enough to hear you, the loving words need to be said. And if they can't respond, you need to speak out loud for them, saying what you know they would say to you if they could. Not easy.
Labels: care giving, death, family, grieving, Hospice, Love, Quality of Life
posted by Dirty Butter @ 5:33 PM
16 Comments:
At 3/12/2007 6:23 PM ,
RUTH said...
When I read this I immediately thought of these words. You may already know them, in which case forgive me for repeating them;
“Although I’m no longer here with you, it is as if I’ve only slipped away into another room. Whatever we were to each other, we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the same way that you always have. Let nothing be different. My boundless love will remain with you for ever. Life means all that it ever meant; it is the same as it always was, with absolute unbroken continuity. For you whom I love and always will, life has so much more to give for you to enjoy, and that is the way it must be. Laugh and smile for me and with me as you reflect upon all those things which we have shared together. Relax as you think of me, and, when you can, pray for me. Let my name be used in all your activities, in no different way. Above all, speak of me without effort, as though I am close by you. I am at peace, and where I am there is no other room. It is an interval somewhere that has an infinite happiness and joy, and some day we’ll meet again to be one together.”
When the final goodbye is said may your father find peace; it is the best I can wish for him.
Much love and affection
Ruth
xxxx
At 3/12/2007 6:33 PM ,
Dirty Butter said...
Thank you, Ruth. I know reading my blog right now can't be easy for you.
At 3/12/2007 7:53 PM ,
Grandparents Cyber Corner said...
Rosemary, My dh and I were experiencing this beginning last February 2006 with his mother diagnosed with cancer in advanced stages. While nursing her .. I lost my father in May which wasn't expected, and dh mother passed in June. It was a rough year with two losses. My heart is with you!
~ Bonnie
At 3/12/2007 8:10 PM ,
Dirty Butter said...
This is our third Hospice in 6 years, my DH is in his fourth year cancer free, and I was diagnosed with PD last year. We've been busy, so I can really appreciate the toll two deaths that close must have taken on you, Bonnie.
I read through some of your blog, and I noticed the Gma and Gpa. Our children and grandchildren called my parents GeeeDaddy and GeeeMama!!
Why not join us at BLOG VILLAGE??!! You'd fit right in.
At 3/12/2007 10:02 PM ,
Joe said...
I wish I knew what words to say that would ease all your pain and suffering> I will continue to keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.
At 3/12/2007 10:11 PM ,
Dirty Butter said...
It's OK, Joe, really. Am I in pain? Yes, plenty. Suffering? No. He's had a long life, he's ready to go, and he'll be in a lot better place soon.
We're keeping him dosed with morphine now, so he's not hurting any longer than it takes me to fill the syringe again.
I don't expect to get any sleep tonight.
At 3/13/2007 2:07 AM ,
RUTH said...
Popped by to give you a hug.
(((HUG)))
At 3/13/2007 2:25 AM ,
Dirty Butter said...
Hug you back, RUTH! Hope you have a good morning!!
At 3/13/2007 3:22 PM ,
mozartmovement said...
I hate to take someone else's line, but what else to say?
((HUGS)) !!!
At 3/14/2007 2:47 AM ,
RUTH said...
A Wednesday ((HUG))Hope you're ok.
Rx
At 3/14/2007 1:38 PM ,
Marion said...
DB, I have just now been able to catch up with all the news. My mother, as you know, is also entering this last hurdle of life. And I stay with her as much as I can.
But I think of you often...your words have given me strength so many times.
Your dad made it to 102. That is so incredible. What a wonderful, long life!
And your caring so well for him made it possible. My prayers are with you.
At 3/15/2007 7:44 AM ,
Carrie said...
Ruth just quoted my favourite poem. Part of it was left out here but this line "whatever we were to each other, that we are still" is on a large grave marker in our cemetery.
I am so very sorry about everything you and your Father have gone through, especially lately. I'm reading back and it sounds so much like what I went through. So very many similarities... I wish I was there to help or take some of the load off. It's truly heartbreaking when we're trying so hard to care for loved ones and we're not well ourselves. I don't know about you, but I felt completely ineffective sometimes and so frustrated that I couldn't keep up physically. But that was wrong, to be upset with myself, and even my Father knew it was wrong. It was just me.
It does sound like your Father is going home to heaven. I know this is very very difficult for you and for him. But please know, you are a phenomenal daughter and individual. Your Father is very lucky, and grateful I'm sure, to have you. {{Hug}} Please know I keep you in my thoughts. So many times you have crossed my mind this week.
At 3/15/2007 10:58 AM ,
Dirty Butter said...
I really can feel those hugs, you know! It feels good to have friends who can make things all better, even for just a moment.
Thanks everyone!
At 3/15/2007 1:01 PM ,
RUTH said...
Sending another ((hug)); remember to take care of yourself too.
Rx
At 3/15/2007 2:33 PM ,
Dirty Butter said...
Carrie, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. I know you would have wanted to be there, but it just wasn't to be. I hope your Mom is doing better, and I do hope you've had some time to process all this. You don't have to tell me how frustrating it is taking care of someone when your own body is your enemy! Big time frustration!! As you too well know.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
At 3/15/2007 2:37 PM ,
Dirty Butter said...
Hugs your way, too, RUTH!
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