Less Computer Time = Getting other things done!

Well, I have pretty much stuck to my intention to stay away from places where PWP are describing their symptoms. I have visited the PLM site a few times, and even made a few comments, but I have been cautious about the type of posts I opened, to avoid reading about anything tremor related. I have not done any research on PD, either, other than to try to find a correlation between heavy steroid use with Parkinson's. This was not for my benefit, but for one of my readers, who asked some interesting questions.

My neck continues to be very stiff and painful, but I can put up with it, knowing I will be getting help next week when I start Physical Therapy.

I am pretty much caught up with posting requests for help on the Plush Memories Lost Toys Search Service, and we are over the Christmas rush on eBay. I still need to put a new post on our Yesterday's Memories blog, and there is always work to do on the BLOG VILLAGE TopList that I run.

So, I have been getting some much needed house clutter cleaning done, but there is plenty more that needs to be done. I would like to have the house straight for the New Year. At least it can start that way LOL.

We did have a great Christmas, seeing all of our family all at once, and enjoying being with our grandchildren. It looks like we actually managed to buy them some things they will enjoy, and that's not easy to do when they hit those preteen and teen years. They all have birthdays right after Christmas, so we will be seeing them again real soon, too.

Hubby gave me a blender for Christmas, so now I can learn how to make Raw Foods Smoothies, something I have been wanting to try for some time now. Jackie, from The Vegan Diet, clued me into The Raw Food Coach, and since we eat a lot of raw foods, anyway, I have been learning as much as I can about what foods are the best for me. I have been doing a lot of research on the high anti-oxidant Super Foods, and we are gradually changing our diet to include lots of them daily.

We have had a lot of fun at our house of late with trying to get our very spoiled (neurotic) inside cat to accept our two outside cats as occasional inside visitors. They are too young to leave outside all night when it is freezing, so we bought a pet cage for them. They don't mind being in it at all, which surprised us, but it sure makes going out of town easier. We keep our inside cat in the hall bathroom when we are gone, and now we can keep the outside cats protected, too. Our only problem is that Miss Queen Fluffy doesn't like having them inside. There have been quite a few fights between Fluffy and Mr. Salt. Miss Pepper stays out of the rough stuff, as she has some kind of nerve damage to one of her hind legs. She is the main reason we decided to bring them in on cold nights and when we are out of town. Fluffy surprised us last night and behaved the whole time they were in the house. Maybe she's finally adjusting to them, I hope.

One of my anonymous readers has given me a clue as to what my diagnosis might be, if it's not Parkinson's. So, I have started doing some research on Dystonia. Also, there was a new post today on PLM discussing Ataxia, and that sounds familiar, too. I already feel better, knowing that there are other conditions that my symptoms seem to fit. It makes me feel less like this is all going to turn out to be psychosomatic. I can't bear the thought that my body has been going through all this due to an emotional problem. With other possibilities in sight, I am in a much better frame of mind than I was yesterday, thank goodness. So, Marion, the glass is looking more and more like it's half full, again.

As always, I appreciate your prayers and concern, and love to hear from you, even if it's just to say HI!

Doing Without PD Meds Today

I just have to answer this one for myself, before I drive myself crazy. I didn't take my last PD med last night, and I haven't had any this morning. It will take awhile for the meds to flush out of my system, but I need to know what I look like without them. It's just like most of the meds you see advertised on TV. Take this pill to stop twitching, but oh, by the way, this pill can cause twitching!!! So, if I didn't need them, they would give me the same symptoms as someone who did need them. Like I said, my brain is going around in circles over this, so I may not be making good sense right now.

I'm going to be in the house all day today, and I wanted to settle my mind on this before it was Christmas. It wouldn't do me any good to try to wait until after the New Year to experiment, because I start physical therapy for my neck on Jan. 2, and I sure wouldn't want to be playing around with my dosages then.

Of course I am still on all the other meds I take, for my digestive system, allergies, and bone density, plus the vitamins and herbs for general health and anti-oxidant benefits. Who knows, maybe that's all I need to be on, anyway. I hope to find out with this little experiment.

We will be spending time with our older daughter and son-in-law here in town Christmas Eve, and then we'll drive to our younger daughter's home to spend with our grandchildren and her hubby. Then, a few days later, we'll be driving back for our grandson's birthday.

I don't want this nagging doubt hanging over me. I want to enjoy this family time, and the celebration of the birth of Jesus, without obsessing over this, the way I have the last few days. So, it's do without today, and maybe tomorrow, too, or wait until February or so. And I just emotionally can't wait that long. Did I say that patience is not one of my virtues?

Life Goes ON

My Physical Therapy office called yesterday, and the appointment is set for Jan.2, so that's taken care of. I have been scouring the Internet, looking for some indication of the meaning of some of the neurological tests my Neuro did on me in his office the other day, but still not having any luck. I think I will end up calling his nurse, and see if she can help me understand what happened. We were both just in shock, I think, in his office, and I didn't ask enough questions. Now I could kick myself for not asking dozens!!

Also, I am wondering if I should try to wean myself off of the meds he left me on, before I see the MDS in April. And I also need to ask if there are any tests that my Neuro should be scheduling before then, too. When I first went to Dr. S, he was less than pleased to see that the Peripheral Neuropathy tests I had already had were only on my legs. They did not test my arms. So it would seem logical to me to have that workup done again, but more thoroughly, sometime close to my appointment in April. Otherwise, I can just see it now. I'll go in and talk to this fellow, walk, and get poked and prodded, and then he will order a bunch of tests, and I won't see him again for another 4 months. This NOT KNOWING could last the better part of a year, if that's the way it plays out.

I have been blessed with so many wonderful net friends showing their support and concern over all these mixed up feelings I am having. It's humbling to know that all of you are out there, praying for me. With all that love coming my way, and God's help, I am already beginning to ease out of the horrible funk this news put me in. I can choose to believe I have something worse than PD, or not. I choose NOT, doggonit!!

So, another Friday has rolled around. It feels a little different, with this uncertainty surrounding us, but we will find something enjoyable to do today, and life will go on. Our Christmas stocking gift hunt is finally ended, and it's time to wrap the presents for the grandkids, and our children, too. I haven't looked yet to see if there are any Estate Sales today, but I kind of doubt it. Who knows, we might go see another movie.

We enjoyed "Perfect Holiday" last week, as a light, entertaining, feel good movie, regardless of what the critics had to say about it. And we'll probably end up seeing "Legion" today, even though the critics have panned it, too. Not every movie has to be Academy Award quality to be enjoyed, right? Although I am a little surprised that Will Smith allowed himself to be in a movie that was less than box office hit quality. From what I've read, it's the Zombies that are so poorly done, not his performance. And there are some flaws with the premise of the story, too, which is what makes Science Fiction work as a genre. Once you have decided to "believe" in a certain situation, the rest of the story must stay true to that premise. From what the critics say, this one does not, and that's a pity. But, flaws and all, I am sure I will enjoy it, as I really like his acting, and I am a Science Fiction buff from way back.

So our lives move along, and I will try to let go of these nagging thoughts, and look on the bright side of it all. I look forward to spending time with our family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and not think beyond that for now. Here's wishing you all a very happy Christmas time with your families, too!

Sunday Shoes Are a Problem

I've been casually looking for some type of decent looking flat shoe that would give me more support than the ones I've been wearing on Sundays. Yesterday convinced me that I must make this a top priority this week. My best pair of decent looking shoes is a Dr. Scholl's pair that have a Velcro closure across the top. They fit quite snug to begin with, but the longer I wear them, the suede leather begins to relax, and I get less and less support from them. For just church, I can barely manage, but yesterday, due to a funeral home visitation that we attended (that means lots of standing around talking to people), I was in them a good part of the day. By the time we got home, I was so wobbly that I could barely take a step safely, even with the cane. As soon as I got in the house, I changed into my athletic shoes, and you would have thought I was a different person. My gait was immediately more normal.

So, this week I will be buying some kind of walking shoe that I can tolerate for "dress" shoes. I'm thinking a black pair won't call too much attention to my feet, hopefully. I do wear pant suits to church, so it won't look quite as bad as it would have with a dress or skirt. I started wearing pants to church when the short short skirt length came in style, and I just never went back to skirts. Too comfy, I guess, or me being lazy?

I tried on some Vegan Earth Shoes last week, thinking that might be a way to get a comfortable shoe that would support me, and not have the hard leather to bother my toes. But that's not going to work for me. Earth Shoes have what's called a negative heel. The heel is lower than the toes. Sounds odd, but it's perfect for PWP, as we tend to lean forward as we walk, and these negative heels counteract that. My problem is that I had to have most of the toe nail root on my big toes killed off with Laser some years ago, due to chronic fungus and ingrown toe nail problems. That means my big toes are basically unprotected. The slant of the Earth Shoes makes the big toes push up against the toe box, and I can't take that.

I ran into the same problem when I bought my athletic shoes. There are only a few brands that make a big enough toe box for my toes to be comfortable in them. So now, I've got to find a dark color walking shoe among the few brands that I can wear comfortably. Just what I wanted to be doing during Christmas Shopping crowds. Hopefully, my fingers can do the walking. I'll call the athletic shoe stores today that I have bought Asics and Ryka from before, to see if they have dark shoes in my size.

If I'm lucky enough for them to have something I can wear, we'll go to town today. While we're out, we'll probably try to do some of our Stocking Stuffer buying. This is the most fun part of Christmas gift giving for us. Our children get money, and now the grandkids are old enough to want money more than presents, so it's the stockings that get all of the attention on Christmas. We buy odds and ends all year round, as we see something that fits each one's personality and tastes. But filling up those big socks takes some creative off the wall stuff, to keep from duplicating what we have bought them in the past. Even our grown children and their spouses would be disappointed if they didn't have that lumpy stocking to reach into, pulling out one thing at a time, never knowing what sort of gag gift or useful doodad might be at hand.

I will think positively today, and look forward to finding some suitable shoes, plus enjoy shopping for the Stocking Stuffers.

A Quiet Christmas

We had a very quiet, uneventful Christmas today. Meals on Wheels always gives Daddy a Christmas present, but for some reason this year there were several. So we made a big deal of having him open them after breakfast. As usual, he didn't really show any emotion one way or the other, but that's just the way he is. DH had been recording all the Christmas TV programs he could find, so we watched the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, a fantastic bell choir, and a few other choirs today. Daddy slept through most of it. Both our DD's called, and Daddy talked to them a little. We got on the extensions and chatted with them for awhile, which helped me feel a good bit less lonely.

DH had bought the makings of a really nice Christmas dinner, so he and I put that together, plus some leftover cornbread and turnip greens Frances had made Friday. It was a really good lunch. We both nearly choked when Daddy told our DD's that we had leftovers for lunch!! He doesn't have a clue that he hurts our feelings with his lack of appreciation for anything we try to do for him. I should know better, as he's always been that way. I was always Daddy's little girl, always trying to please him, and never succeeding. I finally figured out that the problem was his, not mine, but even now, it still stings sometimes.

The Miralax is finally beginning to take effect, although I still spent a good part of the afternoon with the hot pad on my tummy, trying to quell the discomfort. Hopefully, in the next few days, I'll really begin to feel better.

All in all, it was not nearly as bad a day as I was expecting it to be, but certainly not as enjoyable a day as it usually is. Talking with our daughters and being with my wonderful hubby all day today made a huge difference for me. I also enjoyed emailing and blogging back and forth with several really great cyber-friends, who have a lot to do with me being able to stay upbeat most days. For that I am truly grateful.

So, yes, it was a quiet Christmas. We listened to a lot of beautiful music. We shared each other's company. We talked with family and chatted with friends. It was a good day, after all. Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve

I continue on the full regimen that the Gastroenterologist has me on, so far with little success. I did manage to eat a baked sweet potato last night without any pain afterwards, so I consider that an improvement, anyway. They are full of vitamins and fiber, so they make a good small meal for me right now.

We went on our Date Day Friday and bought a few things at the only Estate Sale open in the whole city! By the time we got there they weren't crowded, and much of the stuff had been sold, but we did manage to find a few little things that I think will sell well. Plus, I have a thing for real hankies. I can't stand to use Kleenex tissue! I like a real, soft, cloth handkerchief on my tender nose. So we're always on the lookout at such sales for old hankies, and we found what appear to be some brand new ones. I was glad to get them.

We piddled around a few hours at the nearest Thrift Store and at Walmart, ate a grilled chicken sandwich at Chic Filet, and then we went to see The Nativity Story movie. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The scenery and the detail of all the activities going on in the background are supposed to be very authentic to the time period, so I found that part fascinating. As to the plot, they did a good job of presenting the whole thing in a believable way, clearly portraying the disdain of, and even shunning by, their neighbors of this young couple who had "not waited the alloted time before having sex."

The harsh journey to Bethlehem was dramatic, but maybe a little too long time wise, but certainly worth it for the story line. It was a relaxing few hours that helped to emphasize the true meaning of Christmas. I was very glad we went to see it.

Being able to look forward to these times to "escape" care giving have been a Godsend. It's funny in a way. The lady who stays with Daddy for us lives with her own elderly mother. She's always glad to be able to get away from her for awhile! LOL! And here we are, paying her so we can get away from Daddy for awhile. But Daddy never asks her to do anything. As soon as she's gone, he starts in with his list of things for us to do. It's really funny, as long as we're rested and in good humor.

So, here I am, in the early hours of Christmas Eve morning, writing this post. Frances will be coming this morning, so I will get to go to church today, thank goodness. I need that right now. I've missed my church family lately more than I realized, but we've always been regular attenders, and I've been out so much this year with my own illness, and now Daddy's, that I'm losing my connection to them. God meant for us to assemble ourselves together, and not to worship alone all the time.

So I'm looking forward to seeing my friends in Sunday School and worshiping together in Church today.

May God shower his blessings on each of you through this coming year, and may the Glory of the Christ Child shine all around you. Amen.

I've Lost Christmas!

Ya know how sometimes it's too warm when you should be Christmas shopping, and it's just hard to get in the mood? Well, something like that has happened to me this year. First, we have had shirt sleeve weather, which doesn't help the situation any, but that's not really the problem. It just doesn't feel like Christmas to me this year.

We're not going to see either of our daughters or their families this weekend. We didn't decorate our house, because we haven't been there enough to do it, nor to see it if we had. We put a tiny tree up in Daddy's living room, but that's it. Our only Christmas shopping was over the internet, so we haven't been in any of the crowds, nor had the fun of looking for all the little stocking stuffer unique oddities that our grown kids and grandkids look forward to. I've even missed all the Christmas programs at church.

Oh, we've had the songs on the radio, but they start that way too early, so it loses its effect. My Sunday School Class did come by here on the way to their Christmas party and sing Christmas carols to Daddy. That was about as close to feeling like it really was Christmas as I have felt. In the vacuum of taking care of Daddy and trying to take care of myself, it just doesn't feel magical this year. And that's very depressing. There, I've said it out loud. Yes, I am depressed this Christmas, a feeling I have never experienced before on such a joyous holiday.

I never meant, when I started this blog, for it to turn into a place to wallow in self pity, but it sure seems more and more that's all I'm doing. I guess I could make excuses and call it therapeutic LOL. All I wanted to do was keep a running record of what it was like from day to day, for my own sake, and possibly to benefit someone else going through similar experiences with Parkinson's.

I was also hoping that by posting regularly, my keywords would attract other PWP through the Search Engines, and I could enjoy some conversations with other people going through the same things I am. That hasn't happened, either. Maybe it will in time, but right now the Page Rank of this blog is still zero. It's hard to move up through the Google ranks, and it takes time and patience.

So we take one day at a time, each one feeling pretty much like the day before, expecting the next to feel pretty much like today. It's a care giving rut that leaves no end in sight, because only God knows the outcome of all this. All we can do is our best from moment to moment.