Half Pill More of Primidone is Working Just Fine

I hesitated to start taking more of the Primidone for the very first time on our Date Day, just in case it left me loopy, but I decided to take a chance. It was just this sort of extra exercise that made the Primidone wear off faster in the afternoon. I had no problem with it at all. Our very first Estate Sale involved a long walk up a steep driveway to get to the house, and yet I was still steady yesterday evening. So that appears to be the correct dose for me right now. As I gradually increase my activity level, I may have to adjust it again. but for now - it's great!!

I'm still bubbling over such great news and wonderful relief from the jerks, shakes, and twitches. Hubby has been teasing me about how much I'm talking now. He drawls, "It sure was quiet around here," and sounds just like my Daddy - always finding some way to say something negative. He is teasing, and we both laugh every time he says it. It's a shame my Daddy never learned to look on the bright side of things, but I learned my lesson well from him and don't want to ever be that way.

And now I really do have something positive to shout from the rooftops!!! God has blessed me with a wonderful new lease on life, and I can't give Him praises enough!

Praise GOD from Whom All BLESSINGS Flow!!!

I really am doing great, and it's wonderful to be able to say that. Some days I don't have any abnormal movements at all, and on others I have only tolerable ones. I have been on cloud nine now for a couple of weeks, and it looks like I'm here to stay.

I have noticed that as I become more active and expend more muscle effort that the medicine wears off sooner in the evenings. The Movement Disorder doctor said to call him back in two weeks, and he would discuss raising the daytime dose maybe a half pill at that time. Sounds good to me. He just doesn't want me to zombie out on the Primidone, and I don't want that, either. He mentioned physical therapy to help with the slow walking, but that just does not seem necessary to me. I know how to be safe, and as I feel better I am naturally increasing my physical activity. I'm so used to listening to what my body is telling me that I can judge pretty well when it's time to quit.

My house certainly appreciates the extra attention I have been able to give it lately! There's plenty more to do, though. I have about two years of clutter to wade through. When you feel as bad as I have and as unsteady as I have it's just easier and safer to ignore a lot. Hubby has kept us in good meals and clean clothes, but the "stuff" has piled up.

We celebrated our 44th Wedding Anniversary yesterday. I wrote a long post about it on our Yesterday's Memories blog, so I won't repeat that here. The fantastic thing is that even though I was exhausted at night from all we did during the day the last two days, I feel fine today. My muscles are definitely adjusting to more activity.

So I leave this post with a positive outlook and a heart full of thanksgiving!! Whooopppieeeeeeeeee!!!

Primidone is HELPING!!

I've been trying to get to this post for several days now, and other things just kept getting in the way. Also, it looks like I have good news, and I didn't want to celebrate too soon.

I finally got in touch with Dr. Watts' UAB Neurology team, and he sent in a prescription for Primidone on Friday a week ago. I took my first dose Friday night, and was pretty well looped all day Saturday, and almost as drugged feeling all day Sunday. But I was NOT jerking, and my hand was still! My walking was very odd, like I was on a boat or a dock. When I stood still I kind of wobbled, instead of shaking, as if it were slowing the speed of the movements down and increasing the amplitude, if that makes any sense. That lasted for several days, but then by about Wednesday I was only noticing the good effects. As long as the dose was in me, I did not shake, wobble, or tremor at all. Ignoring the slow walking, I was back to NORMAL! Even my handwriting improved. I was not depressed, but trying not to celebrate too soon, because the next step was to add a morning dose, and I wasn't sure what was going to happen then.

I started taking a second dose in the morning as well on Monday. I do get a little woozy feeling for just a little while about an hour or two after I take it, but other than that, it seems to be helping a lot. I have a slight mouth twitch today, the third day I have had two doses, which I did not have Monday or Tuesday. But that is the only symptom other than the slow walking that I have! I do have to be more careful with steps - it's like I can't tell where my feet are.

I am not depressed at all with the Primidone, the way I was with the Clonazepam, and I am very hopeful that this medicine will work for me. I am still doing research on this medicine, but its brand name is Mysoline, and its primary use is in controlling seizures. They assured me that there were no signs of seizures from my tests, so this is what they call an off label use of the drug.

This medicine has a very long half life, and that means there is still plenty of the drug in my system when it is time to take the next dose. Actually, when I was taking just the one pill, I took it at 7:00PM and it did not completely wear off until four or five o'clock the next afternoon. I am also on the lowest dose, so there is room to go if I get used to the medicine and need to up the dosage.

Did you see me doing the happy dance????

I am so thankful to God for his tender mercies!!!!!!!!!!

On Days - Off Days

I am definitely less depressed since gradually cutting the dose and frequency of the Clonazepam, but it has not been very predictable. Thursday I went until sometime after 5:00PM without any facial tics at all, and then spent the whole evening jerking like crazy. when I'm like that, my face contorts, my left shoulder jerks forward, and my foot dances a jig uncontrollably. I was on a half pill only at night then. Friday I jerked and twitched all day long, also on the half pill dose. I also had a huge startle reflex while we were out on our Date Day, something I haven't done to that extent in some time. Now today, Saturday, my mouth is all quiet and well behaved so far. I did not take even the half pill of the Clonazepam last night.

I had called twice to UAB, trying to get them to go on and send in the prescription for an alternative to the Clonazepam, because our drugstore would be closed from Friday evening until Tuesday. They did not get it called in, nor did I get a callback from a member of Dr. Watt's team. The receptionist did tell me on my second call that Dr. D was sick. He is the member of the team who apparently is the one I will be seeing the most. So, I have to assume that is why nothing was taken care of.

I have found that I can at least mask what my mouth is doing in public by chewing sugar free gum. I've always been a gum smacker, so I am trying to get out of that habit, and reach a point were I can slowly chew and control the horrible twisting, twitching, and jerks my mouth does so much.

The right foot continues to do its own little dance, which makes me feel unstable as I stand still or walk. Going up and down steps is harder when there is no way of knowing what my foot is going to do at the moment. So I am still using the cane everywhere except here in the house and at church. The few steps I have to deal with at church are entrances, and hubby is there with me going in and out, so I can skip the cane and feel a little more inconspicuous.

I should have taken the last dose of the Clonazepam last night, but I thought it would be wiser to see how I would be today, rather than being even more unpredictable than usual for church tomorrow morning. Since I've been OK today, it looks like the decreasing dosing was done slowly enough to not leave any withdrawal symptoms. But there is now way of knowing how I will be in the next minute, let alone tomorrow for church.

I continue to stay busy searching and posting on our Lost Toy blog, and have been able to help quite a few families, thanks to all the folks who read the requests for help and search for them, too. If you have never been to that blog, you ought to go read some of the stories and try to help them. It's a very satisfying feeling to help them. And I continue to add to our online Plush Toy catalog, too, so I stay very busy.

Oh, and I mustn't forget to mention that it looks like our Centipede grass is actually beginning to come up in the composted side yard. I worked for a little while this morning in between the shrubs and the driveway, digging that section up and trying to get as many of the weeds out of that section as I can. We can plant Centipede here until July, so I should have it ready long before then.

Take each moment as it comes, Rosemary - a lesson I am being taught daily.

Misery Loves Doesn't Love Company

I am so counting the days until my appointment next week! The depression level I am feeling is so pervasive that I am not fit to be around right now. Hubby is doing what he can to leave me alone and not trigger another crying spell. Or worse, make me mad. We had an actual verbal fight last week, which is most unusual for us.

I knew when I worked in the basement while he was gone that he would be livid when he found out, but I did it anyway. I just needed to be "normal" for a little while so badly that I didn't care that it would cause a fight. He won't let me go down in the basement, because he is afraid I will fall. We do have a horrible mess down there, that needs cleaning out terribly, and I am much more impatient about it than he is.

I hate depending on someone else to get something done that I should be able to do myself. I hate being sick. I hate shaking. I hate being off balance. I hate being seen in public jerking all over the place. I hate using the cane and looking like each step is going to be my last. I hate looking old. I hate not being able to do any work in the yard long enough to accomplish anything.

But most of all I hate this horrible feeling that they are not going to find anything physically wrong with me, and that I am going to end up on some psychiatrist's couch or on mind altering drugs. This Clonazepam is bad enough. I looked up the side effects, and depression and loss of balance are right there in black and white. I'm taking a med to stop some of the very things it will give me - doesn't make much sense does it. I still have the strong mouth tics when I am the least bit upset, and my face is definitely beginning to contort, with right eyebrow high, left eyelid drooping over the eye, and mouth pulled to the left. It looks like I have had a stroke, and can't control the left side of my face, but it's actually quite the opposite, the muscles on the left pull it that way.

I did finally recuperate from the left leg weakness and pain left over from the EEG test, but my nerves have yet to settle back down from the super loud MRI last week. I'm crying at almost everything right now, and can't stand noise at all. The loud TV commercials are bothering me so badly that hubby has started hitting the mute button when they come on. Last Sunday, for some strange reason, the young fellow who runs our sanctuary sound system had some of "his" kind of religious music piping in the auditorium before church. As far as I know that has never happened before. People were talking louder than usual to be heard over the extra noise. I sat there for a few minutes, and then told hubby we had to leave. I just couldn't take it. So, we were some of the first folks at our favorite Chinese restaurant last Sunday. I went to church that night, and it was fine. But that morning was horrible.

I am not sleeping as well as I was, either. Some nights have been good, but there have been a few of the kind I used to have, where I am up at 3 or 4 in the morning. I am not using the TAP, as I just don't think I can deal with it right now. Somehow I just have to make it through until next Wednesday.

I've completely rearranged one of the bedrooms we keep part of our plush lovies stock in, and I have worked some in the yard, trying to get the area ready to plant grass where I worked on the lasagna compost all winter long. I'm trying very hard to stay busy and focused on something besides me, but it ain't workin'!!

Wow! That was quite a rant, even for me!! But it felt good to put it down on paper and acknowledge it. It's real, and I'm not exaggerating. Hopefully, I will be able to look back on this post soon and be thankful it is all over. I always cling to hope, even in my darkest despairing times. God is good. AMEN!

Unexpected Aftermath of EEG Test - Still on Clonazapam

I had an EEG back when my own Neuro was trying to decide what was wrong with me, so I knew what to expect. Well, I thought I knew what to expect. My "good" left foot has been extremely painful and difficult to walk on for the last few days. At first I blamed it on all the walking we did at the cemetery in my Sketchers, which I now use as Sunday shoes. But I don't think that was the culprit.

I was on the exam table for about 45 minutes, jerking and shaking the whole time. I can't lay down flat like that without setting off back spasms, so I put my good knee up and had my bare foot pressed against the thin pad of the exam table. I must have been pushing down on my foot a lot harder than I realized, in an effort to bear the discomfort of all the jerking. It is gradually improving, but I noticed yesterday that my thigh is also aching. My foot was hurting so badly that I had not even noticed the leg. So, I've decided that's what is wrong with my foot, rather than my shoes. Those are the only unclunky looking shoes I have been able to wear, so I am glad that they probably did not cause my good leg to give me so much trouble.

You are supposed to go up with the good and down with the bad leg, so it was comical yesterday at church trying to figure out which foot to lead with. One hurt, and the other shook! LOL I decided it was safer to lead with the painful one, rather than the jerky one. At least I was less likely to fall.

Speaking of shaking, the Clonazapam may be helping some, particularly with my mouth, but I am staying in a stupor, sleeping through my morning pill alarm, and just generally fuzzed out. He says it will go away --- I sure hope so. Otherwise, I won't be able to take this med.

I can't see any improvement in my foot or my shoulder jerks, though. I'm waiting now to hear about my MRI appointment. I am going to call them today, since we still have not heard from them.

Patience ... still haven't learned it.

Week One of my Experiment

OK folks, I've been off of all my Parkinson's meds for exactly a week now. I am definitely having more facial tics, but not enough to be the sole reason that I would go back on the meds. Walking is perhaps a little slower and more labored, but nothing like it was back when I was originally diagnosed. So, it remains to be seen just how much this changes this next week. My hand and legs tremors are more pronounced, but again not to a point that I feel compelled to go back on the meds.

And why, you may ask, am I doing this to myself? I am a scientist by nature, with a lifetime of dealing with challenges by using the scientific method. That means isolating the cause and effect relationship by changing only one thing at a time, and using a control as a comparison point. Obviously I can't do this experiment with all the steps in place, but I can try.

It would be so much easier if I had some way to accurately quantify the amount of Bradykinesia (slow movement), tics (involuntary facial muscle twitches), and tremors I have, with their locations, but this is all, by its very nature, subjective.

I'll continue with my experiment on me for a while longer, but I will try to live each day to the fullest, too, and not make this diagnosis all I am about.

So today we went on our Date Day as usual, and I had a wonderful time with my hubby. We just enjoy being in each other's company. I know we are in the house together for days at a time, but he's doing his thing and I'm doing mine. On Fridays, we spend the day together - really together.

Odd Physical Therapy Today

I went to PT this morning, and they did start me on some exercises, all for my arms. The first few were fairly easy, but then she had me pushing down with what seemed like more resistance than the others were set for. I stopped at the first set of ten on that one, instead of doing two sets of ten the way I had done all the others.

Then I moved to the pulley rope, which I've done before with other therapy, and it's always fairly easy, unless you just can't raise your arms. I had no trouble with that at all. Problems came when I stood up from that one, though.

I woke up this morning trembling more than usual, and getting into the cold car this morning just made it worse. And then I did all this new exercising on top of that. I guess everything just worked together to bring major big time tremors in my legs and arms, all at the same time. I was frozen in place, unable to move, because I was just not in control at the moment. The Aide immediately pulled a chair over for me, and I didn't do any more exercises. They hovered over me for awhile, with me assuring them that I was OK, that it would ease off on its own, that there wasn't anything they could do, and I really was OK.

After I convinced them that I was not going to fall, they moved me to the room where they do the ultrasound and heat therapy with the TENS machine, and everything went as usual. About half way through all that, the tremors settled down to just the usual quiver in my right arm and leg.

The only thing I can think of is that using the machine that was apparently set with too much resistance for me to handle just used up the dopamine I had available for a little while. It will be interesting to see if I can find anything to agree or disagree with my hypothesis.

It's been a shaky afternoon, and I just gave in to my chocolate craving - that's my way to deal with stress, as any chocoholic will tell you. And my neck is sore, but not painful, from the exercise. But at least I'm walking around about like usual - maybe a little shakier, but not much.

She told me I have 3 more visits before I have to see the Orthopedist again, so I need to make that appointment. I should have done it today, but I'm in one of those procrastinating moods today, and I just didn't feel like doing it. These moods don't make any sense, but I get into them every once in awhile. Things that happen like this morning seem to bring this apathy on, like everything is just too much trouble. It's stupid, I know, but it's just the way I get at times. I'll snap out of it, just as the shakes finally stopped. Just takes a little time.

Tomorrow is Date Day, and it will be a better day. I'm sure of it!

Less Computer Time = Getting other things done!

Well, I have pretty much stuck to my intention to stay away from places where PWP are describing their symptoms. I have visited the PLM site a few times, and even made a few comments, but I have been cautious about the type of posts I opened, to avoid reading about anything tremor related. I have not done any research on PD, either, other than to try to find a correlation between heavy steroid use with Parkinson's. This was not for my benefit, but for one of my readers, who asked some interesting questions.

My neck continues to be very stiff and painful, but I can put up with it, knowing I will be getting help next week when I start Physical Therapy.

I am pretty much caught up with posting requests for help on the Plush Memories Lost Toys Search Service, and we are over the Christmas rush on eBay. I still need to put a new post on our Yesterday's Memories blog, and there is always work to do on the BLOG VILLAGE TopList that I run.

So, I have been getting some much needed house clutter cleaning done, but there is plenty more that needs to be done. I would like to have the house straight for the New Year. At least it can start that way LOL.

We did have a great Christmas, seeing all of our family all at once, and enjoying being with our grandchildren. It looks like we actually managed to buy them some things they will enjoy, and that's not easy to do when they hit those preteen and teen years. They all have birthdays right after Christmas, so we will be seeing them again real soon, too.

Hubby gave me a blender for Christmas, so now I can learn how to make Raw Foods Smoothies, something I have been wanting to try for some time now. Jackie, from The Vegan Diet, clued me into The Raw Food Coach, and since we eat a lot of raw foods, anyway, I have been learning as much as I can about what foods are the best for me. I have been doing a lot of research on the high anti-oxidant Super Foods, and we are gradually changing our diet to include lots of them daily.

We have had a lot of fun at our house of late with trying to get our very spoiled (neurotic) inside cat to accept our two outside cats as occasional inside visitors. They are too young to leave outside all night when it is freezing, so we bought a pet cage for them. They don't mind being in it at all, which surprised us, but it sure makes going out of town easier. We keep our inside cat in the hall bathroom when we are gone, and now we can keep the outside cats protected, too. Our only problem is that Miss Queen Fluffy doesn't like having them inside. There have been quite a few fights between Fluffy and Mr. Salt. Miss Pepper stays out of the rough stuff, as she has some kind of nerve damage to one of her hind legs. She is the main reason we decided to bring them in on cold nights and when we are out of town. Fluffy surprised us last night and behaved the whole time they were in the house. Maybe she's finally adjusting to them, I hope.

One of my anonymous readers has given me a clue as to what my diagnosis might be, if it's not Parkinson's. So, I have started doing some research on Dystonia. Also, there was a new post today on PLM discussing Ataxia, and that sounds familiar, too. I already feel better, knowing that there are other conditions that my symptoms seem to fit. It makes me feel less like this is all going to turn out to be psychosomatic. I can't bear the thought that my body has been going through all this due to an emotional problem. With other possibilities in sight, I am in a much better frame of mind than I was yesterday, thank goodness. So, Marion, the glass is looking more and more like it's half full, again.

As always, I appreciate your prayers and concern, and love to hear from you, even if it's just to say HI!

Went Off PD Meds Temporarily

I had my last PD medicine around 3:00PM Friday, so I have been without now for about 48 hours. I don't know how much of those meds are still in my system, but I suspect there's not much left.

So, how am I doing? Well, my right foot particularly, and the left to some extent, are shaking some, particularly when I stand in one place for more than just a few seconds. The wobbling foot and knee make my whole body rock rhythmically. It's nowhere near as bad as it looked in Dr. S's office Wednesday, but I was very nervous then, so the exaggerated gait was not overly surprising.

My right hand takes a notion to tremble off and on all day long, but I can usually stop it temporarily by thinking about it. Usually, I just start to jerk somewhere else, when I get one tremor stopped by relaxing and concentrating on just that one area. The facial and tongue tics seem to be worse, too, with me off the PD meds. Generally, I see an increase in jerkiness that moves from place to place as I consciously try to stop it elsewhere.

We haven't told anyone in the family about this possible change in diagnosis, and don't intend to, until it has been confirmed, and hopefully, we have a name for what is wrong with me.

I am going back on my Zelepar and Requip at 3:00PM today, and will stay one them at least until all the holidays are over with, and I am dismissed from PT. I probably will try going without again in February, just to see how I am doing then.

I wrote once before that having a neurological disease is like being in a clinical trial of ONE. It becomes very difficult to manage all the possible variables, and come to any kind of conclusion about the level of disability and what improves or aggravates the symptoms.

Life Goes ON

My Physical Therapy office called yesterday, and the appointment is set for Jan.2, so that's taken care of. I have been scouring the Internet, looking for some indication of the meaning of some of the neurological tests my Neuro did on me in his office the other day, but still not having any luck. I think I will end up calling his nurse, and see if she can help me understand what happened. We were both just in shock, I think, in his office, and I didn't ask enough questions. Now I could kick myself for not asking dozens!!

Also, I am wondering if I should try to wean myself off of the meds he left me on, before I see the MDS in April. And I also need to ask if there are any tests that my Neuro should be scheduling before then, too. When I first went to Dr. S, he was less than pleased to see that the Peripheral Neuropathy tests I had already had were only on my legs. They did not test my arms. So it would seem logical to me to have that workup done again, but more thoroughly, sometime close to my appointment in April. Otherwise, I can just see it now. I'll go in and talk to this fellow, walk, and get poked and prodded, and then he will order a bunch of tests, and I won't see him again for another 4 months. This NOT KNOWING could last the better part of a year, if that's the way it plays out.

I have been blessed with so many wonderful net friends showing their support and concern over all these mixed up feelings I am having. It's humbling to know that all of you are out there, praying for me. With all that love coming my way, and God's help, I am already beginning to ease out of the horrible funk this news put me in. I can choose to believe I have something worse than PD, or not. I choose NOT, doggonit!!

So, another Friday has rolled around. It feels a little different, with this uncertainty surrounding us, but we will find something enjoyable to do today, and life will go on. Our Christmas stocking gift hunt is finally ended, and it's time to wrap the presents for the grandkids, and our children, too. I haven't looked yet to see if there are any Estate Sales today, but I kind of doubt it. Who knows, we might go see another movie.

We enjoyed "Perfect Holiday" last week, as a light, entertaining, feel good movie, regardless of what the critics had to say about it. And we'll probably end up seeing "Legion" today, even though the critics have panned it, too. Not every movie has to be Academy Award quality to be enjoyed, right? Although I am a little surprised that Will Smith allowed himself to be in a movie that was less than box office hit quality. From what I've read, it's the Zombies that are so poorly done, not his performance. And there are some flaws with the premise of the story, too, which is what makes Science Fiction work as a genre. Once you have decided to "believe" in a certain situation, the rest of the story must stay true to that premise. From what the critics say, this one does not, and that's a pity. But, flaws and all, I am sure I will enjoy it, as I really like his acting, and I am a Science Fiction buff from way back.

So our lives move along, and I will try to let go of these nagging thoughts, and look on the bright side of it all. I look forward to spending time with our family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and not think beyond that for now. Here's wishing you all a very happy Christmas time with your families, too!

This is a Hard Post to Write

I saw my Neurologist yesterday, and it turns out I did have good reason to be apprehensive about the appointment.

First of all, he agreed that I did not have any business having the epidurals on my cervical vertebrae. So, I called my Orthopedist to let them know that they could schedule the Physical Therapy, but not the epidurals. They called back later, and have already faxed the prescription to the PT I used last time, which is close to home. So, hopefully, I will be getting some relief from the neck pain and stiffness soon. Holidays, of course, will be in the way of a regular schedule, so who knows when I will actually start the sessions. It could easily be the beginning of next year.

He also took me off of the Levadopa/Carbidopa plus Lodosyn meds that the ER doc had added to my treatment, since it didn't seem to be helping much at all. Taking too much of these meds can cause dyskinesia, which is involuntary movements. That may be why I had such an odd tremor develop of late, plus all the facial and tongue tics I have been experiencing.

But the news from the exam that has me so upset right now is that he is no longer sure I have Parkinson's. He watched me walk, and I was so nervous by then that he got to see me at my worst. Both legs bobbing up and down like I was trying to walk across the floor of one of those carnival blow up bounce machines, and having to hold out my arms to the sides to keep my balance. Turning around and coming back towards him was just as bad. He had me take off my socks and shoes, and he did all the usual hitting with the hammer. He scraped the bottom of each foot, and also suddenly pushed both feet straight up several times, in a slapping kind of motion.

I have had the foot scrape thing done many times before, and I know what that was testing me for - the Babinski effect. That's a test I failed some years ago when I was seeing a different Neurologist for migraine headaches. As far as I know I have not failed it since then. It has to do with the way your toes curl or straighten out when a hard object is scraped from the heel towards the toes. The normal reflex is to curl the toes inward. If the toes spread out, with the big toe stretching upward, it's a sign of a lower extremity nerve problem. I don't know if I passed it this time or not. He didn't say, and I was too upset to ask. I have tried to look up what the sudden slapping of my feet upward meant, as I have never had that done to me before, but I haven't been able to come up with the right search terms yet to find out what that was all about. He did move my arms around, while I kept them relaxed, and said he did not feel any cog wheeling. That's something he would expect to find if I had Parkinson's, and he has said in the past that he did feel it. It has something to do with the tremors, but that's about all I know about cog wheeling.

They have made an appointment for me with the Chair of the Neurology Department at the University of Alabama in Birmingham. He is the Movement Disorder Specialist in this area, and is supposed to be my best chance of finding out what is wrong with me. Parkinson's effects people in so many different ways, it may yet turn out to be the PD that my Neuro had initially diagnosed.

But for now, he has listed my diagnosis as the Peripheral Neuropathy plus Gait Debility. I'm back to that "not knowing" stage, and it is extremely upsetting for me, and for my dear sweet hubby. Of course, as you might expect with the chair of the department, I can't get an appointment until the end of April. That's going to be a long, long wait that is not going to be easy.

I felt such relief when my Neuro put a name to what was happening to me - even if it was that I had Parkinson's. Now I am in limbo again, and I hate it.

Hubby has asked that I stop reading and researching about Parkinson's for awhile, just to be sure that I have not been subconsciously absorbing the symptoms that I was reading about. That's a fair request, so I have said a temporary goodbye to my Parkie friends on PatientsLikeMe, and will not be doing any PD research for awhile. I am going to continue to try to find out more about Peripheral Neuropathy, though, because there is no doubt that I have that. Unlike Parkinson's, there are definitive tests for PN, which I most definitely have.

I don't know how to adequately explain how I am feeling about all this right now. It's almost as if I found out I was adopted, or something like that. It's like my identity has been ripped to shreds, if that makes sense. I have developed some really close friendships with some wonderful PWP over the last year. Now, with one sentence, my Neuro has put the nature of that relationship in limbo.

This NOT KNOWING stage I am in again is very hard to deal with. I am vacillating between being scared of something worse than Parkinson's, and being relieved that it could be something less progressive in nature than PD.

God is forever trying to teach me patience, and reliance on Him, rather than my own abilities. Looks like He is working on that big time right now. We haven't actually said anything out loud, but I think hubby and I are going to keep this turn of events to ourselves for now. I can't see any good reason to add this uncertainty to our children's lives. They have enough to worry about on their own. So, I will pour out my feelings here on my blog, since no one who knows me personally ever reads it.

Neck Pain and Tremors Causing Problems

I'm having two main problems from the Parkinson's right now - my very stiff and painful neck, and the much increased tremors, particularly in my right foot.

I'm sleeping with a very soft neck pillow, the kind that look like a C, and I keep it behind my neck while I sit at the computer, too. That helps me get to sleep and cuts down on the pain of just holding my head up. As the day goes on, the pain is getting worse and worse.

I am waiting to hear from my Orthopedist now about a standing MRI appointment. Hubby has Jury Duty next week, so that means I will have to wait longer to get it done. Can't be helped, but it's frustrating. He had to ask for a deferral back when we were taking care of Daddy, so he can't very well ask for another one because he is taking care of me. There is absolutely no way I could drive myself to the big city, as long as it's been since I've driven at all, even though I am no longer having the sudden sleep attacks. Maybe, if he is lucky, he won't have to serve for long, and I can get it done toward the end of this week. I sure hope so. The Methacarbamol and Mobic aren't helping enough to warrant taking the pills, so I quit taking them.

I've tried to continue with as much exercise as possible, but DH hurt his back again several weeks ago, and his sciatic nerve is acting up. He hasn't felt like going to the track, so I haven't been getting enough exercise lately. I am still working out in the yard the best I can, but it makes my neck hurt worse.

I'm also having considerably more problems due to tremors. For the first year of PD I didn't have any tremors at all. I was beginning to have small ones on Sundays mostly, while we were listening to the sermon. I finally decided that it was the uncomfortable pews, being too still too long, and being cold, all working together to stress my muscles. But that was a very mild nuisance tremor.

Since I had the steroid interaction that sent me to the ER, however, the tremor in my right leg and foot have been so strong that it makes walking and standing much more difficult. It still comes and goes, but when I get the least bit tired, as I do when I walk very much, that leg starts dancing a jig all on its own. I am having more problems with balance because of it, and I am beginning to experience what is called freezing. When I stand up, I have to kind of wait before I can get that pesky right foot to make up its mind to move where I want it to, it's so busy moving where it wants to.

One thing's for sure, I look like I have Parkinson's now, where I didn't until recently. Even my lips, tongue, and eyebrows are beginning to quiver. We had our portraits made the other day to give to our children for Christmas, and it was all I could do to hold the poses long enough to get a good picture. My face behaved, but not my leg. It took every bit of will power I had to make my leg be still. If I hold my breath and really concentrate, I can stop the tremors momentarily, thank goodness. I had to do that to get the X-rays on my neck done a couple of weeks ago, too.

So, things have been a little difficult lately, but I am still managing OK. I've been listing a lot on eBay, and we have had some good sales there. I've also been concentrating on trying to help as many people as I can on my Plush Memories blog. I've managed to find several lost lovies for people, and some of my blog readers there have found a few more. And, there have been a few times that we had the lovey they were looking for in stock, so I've made a few sales, and made some folks very happy all at the same time. That's what makes selling the plush toys so much fun.

We are still going to Estate Sales, but this time of year there usually aren't as many on a given Friday. That's OK, because I really can't manage more than a few anyway, as I tire out and hurt too much to go to very many. So, we have been doing a little bit of Estate Sale hunting and a little bit of Christmas shopping on Fridays. The only thing we absolutely have to go to stores for is all the Stocking Stuffer odds and ends that we give our children and grandchildren every year. And this year, we have been buying things for their stockings all year long, which is a blessing.

Thank goodness for Internet shopping! I've been buying most of our gifts online for years, but this year it has been a blessing. The black pair of Skechers came the other day, and I wore them to get our portraits made. They feel wonderful, and they do improve may stability much more than the Sunday shoes I have been wearing. Our daughters wear the same size shoes I do, so looks like they will be getting some hand me down shoes.

So, I keep going, making changes as I must.

I've Been Busy, Busy, Busy!!!

I've been so busy I hadn't even realized how long it had been since I posted here. This is our busy time of year for selling on eBay, so I've been spending a lot of time taking pictures, writing descriptions, and packing items to ship. Hubby helps a lot with the packing, and he goes to the PO with them, but the photography and anything computer related is up to me.

I also have been very busy on the Plush Memories blog, because so many people have written wanting help finding their child's lost lovey. It feels so good to actually help someone, and I have had some successes lately. But right now, I have something like 70 or so requests that I haven't posted yet. Every time I open my email, there are a few more requests. It's almost like being Santa, getting all the letters. But I'm not magic, and there are only so many hours in the day that I can give to it.

I am still sleeping a good 7 to 8 hours a night now. My alarm watch is waking me up at 5:00AM most mornings now. That's made a huge difference in how much energy I have, and I'm not even dropping off to sleep in the car like I had been. I haven't had the nerve to drive again, though. I have mentioned it to hubby, but he just doesn't answer me. Not so sure he thinks it's a good idea.

The elimination problems have improved slowly, and the Bentyl, prune juice, extra Metamucil, and the Glycolax are working. I bought a couple of books about IBS, and I'm trying to change some more of my eating habits, too. I had already made some huge changes over the last few years, thanks to the GERD. But now, my diet is even more restricted than ever. I eat the forbidden foods from time to time, like pizza, but I do it knowing that I can expect to have consequences. And I give in to the chocolate craving every once in awhile, as it's the best cure for being upset that I have ever found. Yes, I am addicted to chocolate!!

Wearing the Skechers shoes helped last Sunday, and I was not anywhere near as unstable in them as I have been in my regular Sunday shoes. They're not the kind of shoes anyone would normally wear with dress up clothes, but they are unobtrusive.

I'm to have a stand up MRI soon for my neck, as the pain and stiffness have not gone away at all. I'm waiting right now for my insurance to approve the test. The muscle relaxer and anti-inflammatory have not made a dent in my neck situation. The X-rays show the degenerated disks, and my Orthopedist knows about the problem I had with the Celestone. He said I may have to go off the Zelepar long enough to have the epidural in my cervical vertebrae. He said I would need to talk to the Anesthetist and work that out with him. Sounds fine to me!!!! If the epidural doesn't work, the only thing left would be some form of surgery, and that I will avoid as long as possible.

Hubby's sciatic nerve problem has flared up again, so he doesn't feel like going to the track to walk. So I've been getting most of my exercise by working in the yard. The Lasagna Compost is still growing, one pile of wood chips, fertilizer, kitchen scraps, and dirt at a time. It sure is tempting to turn the pile to see if it's working, but I have resisted the urge so far. I work in the yard several days a week for over an hour, so that's good.

So, I think I have more positives going on than negatives, and that means today is a good day!!!!

Sunday Shoes Are a Problem

I've been casually looking for some type of decent looking flat shoe that would give me more support than the ones I've been wearing on Sundays. Yesterday convinced me that I must make this a top priority this week. My best pair of decent looking shoes is a Dr. Scholl's pair that have a Velcro closure across the top. They fit quite snug to begin with, but the longer I wear them, the suede leather begins to relax, and I get less and less support from them. For just church, I can barely manage, but yesterday, due to a funeral home visitation that we attended (that means lots of standing around talking to people), I was in them a good part of the day. By the time we got home, I was so wobbly that I could barely take a step safely, even with the cane. As soon as I got in the house, I changed into my athletic shoes, and you would have thought I was a different person. My gait was immediately more normal.

So, this week I will be buying some kind of walking shoe that I can tolerate for "dress" shoes. I'm thinking a black pair won't call too much attention to my feet, hopefully. I do wear pant suits to church, so it won't look quite as bad as it would have with a dress or skirt. I started wearing pants to church when the short short skirt length came in style, and I just never went back to skirts. Too comfy, I guess, or me being lazy?

I tried on some Vegan Earth Shoes last week, thinking that might be a way to get a comfortable shoe that would support me, and not have the hard leather to bother my toes. But that's not going to work for me. Earth Shoes have what's called a negative heel. The heel is lower than the toes. Sounds odd, but it's perfect for PWP, as we tend to lean forward as we walk, and these negative heels counteract that. My problem is that I had to have most of the toe nail root on my big toes killed off with Laser some years ago, due to chronic fungus and ingrown toe nail problems. That means my big toes are basically unprotected. The slant of the Earth Shoes makes the big toes push up against the toe box, and I can't take that.

I ran into the same problem when I bought my athletic shoes. There are only a few brands that make a big enough toe box for my toes to be comfortable in them. So now, I've got to find a dark color walking shoe among the few brands that I can wear comfortably. Just what I wanted to be doing during Christmas Shopping crowds. Hopefully, my fingers can do the walking. I'll call the athletic shoe stores today that I have bought Asics and Ryka from before, to see if they have dark shoes in my size.

If I'm lucky enough for them to have something I can wear, we'll go to town today. While we're out, we'll probably try to do some of our Stocking Stuffer buying. This is the most fun part of Christmas gift giving for us. Our children get money, and now the grandkids are old enough to want money more than presents, so it's the stockings that get all of the attention on Christmas. We buy odds and ends all year round, as we see something that fits each one's personality and tastes. But filling up those big socks takes some creative off the wall stuff, to keep from duplicating what we have bought them in the past. Even our grown children and their spouses would be disappointed if they didn't have that lumpy stocking to reach into, pulling out one thing at a time, never knowing what sort of gag gift or useful doodad might be at hand.

I will think positively today, and look forward to finding some suitable shoes, plus enjoy shopping for the Stocking Stuffers.

No Such Thing as Status Quo with Me

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day with our whole family. Our older daughter and her hubby both love to cook. So they went overboard with the food, but it was important to them, as their first big family meal in their new home. I could tell she was getting all stressed, which is not good for her at all, but I sure was glad I didn't have to have them all at my house. Don't get me wrong, I love being around all of them... but I get way too panicky at the thought of having that big a group all at once.

Plus now, my house is not clean enough for me to feel comfortable entertaining. I have started trying to unclutter some parts of the house, but it took it several years to get in this mess, and it's not going to be clean overnight. Hubby says to just ignore it .... something he seems to be able to do quite well. It bothers me, though. Every time I try to tackle it, I get worn out before I've made a dent! LOL

Anyway, I did have an appointment with my Gastroenterologist this week. I am still having lots of belching and gas, although the elimination difficulties have improved considerably since he put me on the Bentyl. I had read some things on the Internet that made me ask about the Metamucil and Glycolax, as far as were they contributing to the gas problem. I gave him the printout showing the times I was taking my meds, thinking he might see something that I needed to change. He was flabberghasted. He said he had no idea I was taking the Metamucil and Glycolax in the morning - that I should be taking them at night!

He also said the loud belches were from swallowing air. I told him I knew I did that when I took my meds with a big gulp, because I had trouble swallowing them. He suggested I take them in applesauce, instead of water. And .... it works! I do have a little trouble getting the swallow to come, though, thanks to my uncooperative tongue.

My tongue has started some kind of tic. I'm lip licking, or lip sucking, or moving my tongue around, rubbing against my teeth almost constantly now. I mentioned this new quirk in the PLM forum, and one of the Parkies said she had been rubbing the back of her dentures with her tongue for 14 years! She's actually worn a hole in the back side of two of her teeth!

Speaking of the TAP, I am continuing to get 7 1/2 to 8 hours of sleep each night. My alarm watch is waking me up now to start my meds at 5:00AM. If I could just stay awake later at night, I would change the time of the first meds. But it's all I can do most nights to stay awake until 9. I'm toying with the idea of taking a short afternoon nap, but I will wait awhile longer before I try that, to be sure I have the sleep habit well established.

I am out of the muscle relaxer meds now, but they really didn't help a whole lot to ease the soreness and stiffness in my neck. So I'll be calling my Orthopedist this next week.

I'm still having a lot more tremors than I had before my trip to the ER. The tremor in my right hand is unpredictable, but strikes often and hard. If I stand still for even a few moments, my right leg starts a little dance all by itself, making my whole body bounce, and sometimes now it starts up even when I am sitting down. That was only happening at church before, where I was blaming it on being cold and the seat being uncomfortable. Now it's pretty much a given that if I'm standing, I'm dancing, and if I'm the least bit tired or upset, I'm jiggling as I sit. And walking still feels like I'm on Jello. I'm using the cane all the time when we go somewhere now, except for church. I'm still stubbornly holding out on that, as it puts too much attention on me.

I am going to have to keep track of the times of the day that all these tremors start and stop, so I can tell if it has anything to do with my meds wearing off.

So today, I can give my sleep problems an A, elimination difficulties a B-, stiff and sore neck a D, and tremors a D.

Insurance Has APPROVED My Dental Appliance!!

I knew I was having a good day yesterday! When we came home from our Date Day, I had a lovely letter waiting for me, stating that the TAP Dental Appliance has been approved by my insurance for the treatment of my Sleep Apnea. I immediately called them to find out how to get my money back, as I had to pay my dentist for it up front. They are sending me the forms to take care of this. Whooopiieeeee!! I had anticipated some trouble with them agreeing that it was eligible, so that's something else I can cross off my list.

My neck is still very uncomfortable, but I made myself work on the compost heap this morning. I can't afford to give in to it, or I'll find myself able to do less and less.

I actually slept until my first medicine alarm went off this morning at 5:00AM! EIGHT HOURS OF SLEEP!!! That's the first time that has happened. I'm still waking up quite a bit in the night, but unlike before, I am able to drift back to sleep, even after I've been up to use the bathroom.

We ate at on of our favorite Mexican restaurants yesterday for lunch, but I was a good girl and got the Huevos Rancheros, which is nothing but sunny side up eggs with sauce on top. I scrape the sauce over to the side, eat the Spanish rice and the eggs, and just taste the refried beans. I did get a side order of the guacamole, which I really enjoy and finished off a bunch of the tostados they bring. I did NOT have the woozy feeling after lunch. So I'm pretty sure it's not protein that sets it off. It may be fat, though. I've basically been avoiding eating beef or pork for lunch. Most of the week we had the fake crab meat in a spinach and cabbage salad, and that does not cause the funny feeling, either.

I'm still having real problems with tremors and walking is not as easy, as I have this constant feeling of walking on Jello, because my legs are shaking the whole time I am walking. I'm using the cane just about any time we leave the house now, except for church. I'm trying to hold off using it there, because I get asked too many questions about how I'm doing. It makes me self conscious. I have started taking a lap robe to church, though, as I have come to realize that I have the hard tremors in church because I'm cold! I'll be making an appointment with the Neurologist next week, now that I've been on the new meds for awhile and the apnea and tummy are well under control.

Our older daughter and her hubby are going to do the honors for Thanksgiving Dinner this year. They both love to cook, which I never did, and this is their first holiday in their new home. I've always been the one to have the Thanksgiving meal, but I'm very happy to pass this tradition along to her, and just help out with the expense. Hopefully our younger daughter and her family will be able to come, too. With me not having to do anything for dinner, I can really enjoy the day.

So, things continue to come to good conclusions, and I remain optimistic. May we all have a great day today!!

Still Having Problems, But I'm Sleeping Longer!

I have managed to "stay in bed" for over 7 hours now 4 nights in a row. I wish I could say that means I was asleep the whole time, but that hasn't happened yet. It is still a considerable improvement, however. The last pill I take at night is the Bentyl, which is supposed to calm my colon and prevent the spasms that have been plaguing me for so long. It is an antidepressant, so I suspect that may be at least part of the reason I've been able to delay getting up as well as I have been. I continue to wear the TAP each night, so maybe it's a combination of both of them. Whatever it is, I'm thankful for it.

I've spent the last three days trying to overcome the stiffest neck I've ever had in my life. It started Wednesday evening, out of nowhere. I could feel the neck muscles all tensed up, and it was impossible for me to turn either way more than a couple of degrees. I tried the hot pad, plus took some Tylenol, and hoped I would sleep it off. I also did not wear the TAP that night, thinking that might make it worse. It was still extremely tight and painful all day Thursday, but I did go back to wearing the TAP. Nothing seemed to make it go away. It was considerably better by Friday, although I did take some Arthritis Strength Tylenol to get to sleep. Now, I am able to turn my head both ways maybe 45 degrees each way before the pain stops me.

I'm not really sure where this spasm came from. I did work out in the yard Wednesday more than I have been, and I could have over done it there. Or, it could be that I have turned the TAP screw past what my jaw can handle. Just in case it was the TAP, I backed up several turns on it to give my jaw muscles a rest.

I did get my flu shot this week, with no side effects at all. And I made sure the nurse put the information in my records about Celestone causing me to have such a horrible Parkinson's episode. I have not yet returned to the state I was in before the steroid shot, so I guess I won't be getting back to that point. It's been too long now. If I were going to recover completely, I would have by now.

I am still having those weird spaced out episodes after lunch mostly. I've tried eating meat, not eating meat, staying away from any protein, eating normally, eating things I'm not supposed to eat, like pizza, and eating very carefully selected IBS foods. Nothing seems to be an obvious trigger, so I'm left to think it is the medicine itself doing it. That would be the noon dose of Levadopa/Carbidopa (Sinemet). I'm not sure why I have more trouble with the noon dose, as I take this med with all three meals. It remains a puzzle.

I've been working hard on several computer projects lately, so I'm behind on listing items on eBay. I have got to get that done today, though, as we are being squished by all the bags of plush toys packed into our two spare bedrooms. LOL We buy them faster than I can sell them!!

So, I guess it's time to quit blogging, and start taking some photos!!

Some Things Better, Progress with Others

I've been busy the last few days trying to get used to the TAP and regulating my meds and diet to try to deal with the colon problems I've had for well over a year now. The TAP dental appliance is doing as well as I would expect. I slept about 7 hours last night, which is a huge improvement for me. I am still waking up a couple of times in the night to go to the bathroom, though, so it's not yet a completely restful sleep. It's time for me to make an appointment for a new Sleep Study, to see if the device is handling my Apnea appropriately. That will be the determining factor on whether I can get my insurance to pay for the TAP or not, and whether it's worth using.

I am pleased to see that there is a way to use the TAP device as the anchoring mechanism for a CPAP mask, if it becomes necessary to go back on that. A nasal pillow delivery system can be attached directly to the dental appliance, so there would be no straps or mask all over my face. That's encouraging, as it means I can look forward to either getting by with just the TAP, or the TAP plus CPAP - but NO MASK!!! So, I'm very optimistic about the coming Sleep Study.

As for the elimination situation, I am somewhat improved, although certainly not where I would like to be. I'm still belching and having gas problems, but not having as much trouble actually going to the bathroom as I was. So, the Acidophilus, the Bentyl prescription, and an extra Metamucil capsule a day seem to be the right plan of attack for that problem.

DH and I have been searching for some practical ways for me to keep track of all my pills, the dosing times, and a way to effectively keep me on schedule. I seem to have some kind of Freudian aversion to remembering to take my pills. I hate having to take so much medicine, and I think it's causing some kind of passive aggressive reaction that I'm going to have to overcome. We've taken some positive steps to get over this hump. We bought two Plano tool/fishing tackle boxes, each with 4 storage boxes in it. That gives me enough boxes for 8 days, so I can make up meds once a week and have a spare. Right now I am taking medicine at 12 different times a day, so I put a numbered sticker in the bottom of each little compartment, with the dosing time on it. I can take the small box for one day with me wherever I go fairly easily. I even found that I could use my Bible cover to "hide" my pills on Sunday. I just carried my Bible loose and put the pill box in where the Bible would have been. I have to take a dose between Sunday School and Church, so this worked nicely.

Getting me on a dependable schedule was the next problem to handle. I searched for days all over the Internet, looking for pill reminder systems that I thought would work for me. Most would not give enough alarms to suit my needs, or any PWP's needs, for that matter. PWP tend to take our meds closer and closer to each other as the disease progresses, so it's not unusual for a Parkie to be taking something every hour during the day, and even getting up in the night to take something. Also, some of the more promising systems only allowed you to set pill reminders from say 8:00AM to midnight, and my first pill is at 5:00 AM.

So, I ended up buying a Timex Ironman Data Link watch, which can be connected to the computer via USB. It's like having a PDA on your wrist. It came yesterday, but I have been studying everything I could find about it while I waited for it to come, and I had my pill schedule all ready to send to the watch. It worked like a charm. It beeps and the face lights up and flashes for several seconds, and the names of the pills I need to take scroll across the watch face. If I don't push a button on the watch, I get another reminder in 5 minutes. Since I'll be wearing it, I'm much more likely to heed the reminder. I also have the reminders set up on Outlook, since the computer is on all day long, anyway.

The watch needs to be quite large, as you might expect, so it's the size of a man's sports watch. I don't mind that, if it keeps me from forgetting a pill, as I have been prone to do. For now, it's in my pocket, because I'm going to have some links taken out of the band. There's a lot to learn about this watch, but the main thing for me was the Alarm mode, as it allows up to 200 alarms a day! And that was super easy to get up and running.

My tremors still remain, not as bad as they were when I went to the ER, but still enough to make me feel like I'm trying to walk on Jello, and it gets worse as I get tired later on in the day. I use the walls and the furniture here in the house to steady myself, and I have managed to do without my cane at church, by the hardest. But anywhere else we go, like our Date Day, or to go out to eat, I'm using the cane. The hand tremors are also more prominent, and don't seem to ever go away completely, but I can handle a fork and spoon OK, and type, so I can live with that.

My biggest problem has been the odd about to pass out feeling I've been getting after lunch and supper, but not breakfast. We've checked my blood pressure during a couple of these attacks, and it's always low, like 98/58 low. I can't do much but sit very still and wait for the feeling to pass. I have found that eating something sweet makes me feel better, but that may just be because it's a comfort food for me. Or, it may means that this feeling is from a low blood sugar situation, rather than a low blood pressure one.

We may have narrowed it down to being an interaction between the Sinemet and the protein in my meals. Yesterday, just as a test, I had a vegetable lunch without any meat, and I did not have the weird feeling later on. So, I'll try that again for a few days, and see what happens.

Dear sweet hubby took over the compost making task for me for the last couple of weeks, but I did it all by myself this morning. I'm very tired, but feeling good that I was able to accomplish it. I'm also sweeping off parts of the driveway almost daily now, and the deck and patio underneath every once in awhile. That gives my arms and shoulders a good workout, and it's good for my balance, too. I'm also using the trekking poles the whole time at the track now, where I usually do 3 laps, and then the leg exercises and my Tai Chi. My balance is still way off, so the Tai Chi looks pretty ragged, but I'm doing it anyway. After all, nobody but me knows just how pitiful my form is, right? ;)

So, I see progress with several areas of concern, but disappointment that I am in nowhere near as good a shape as I was before I had the Celestone shot that sent me to the ER.

I continue to try my best to live each day with a positive outlook, and I think the Bentyl has helped with the depression I was dealing with.

Catching Up

My Gastroenterologist finally found an antispasmodic that I can take with all my Parkinson's meds! I've been on it for several days now, and things have improved somewhat. Of course, I've also added the Enteric coated Peppermint Gel Caps, Turmeric, and Acidophilus.

Well, I went to see Dr. S Friday, and he said pretty much what I expected him to. Since I was taking 4 prescriptions that had just been added in the last two weeks, in addition to the OTC meds that I have added, he wouldn't even discuss dosing or changing meds. He wants me to come back in about 2 months, after I have had the Sleep Study with the TAP dental appliance in place.

I had printed out a nice neat list of all my meds, with the times I take them, and I asked him to take a look and see if he thought I had spread the meds appropriately. He didn't see anything wrong with it, which made me feel good. It took quite a bit of time to figure out how I could keep certain meds away from each other, and take into account such things as having to be on an empty stomach.

I asked for the form to get a handicap parking placard, too. It's time. On good days I won't need it, but the way I've been lately, I will definitely have to have it available. It is sad to see that check mark in the Permanent Disability box, though. We have dentist appointments tomorrow, so we'll take care of it then.

I have been using the trekking poles for the last week or so, since I've been so wobbly. They make all the difference in the world. I'm wobbly when I try to walk unassisted, but I can stride along at a good clip when I use the poles. I walked a mile this morning, with the poles, even though I'm holding onto furniture and walls to navigate in the house. We bought one adjustable pair some time ago, figuring we could get another pair later, if we thought they were doing any good. We'll buy another set tomorrow while we're out, too.

I've made 2 quarter turns on the TAP device now, but I couldn't feel the change when I turned the key. Each quarter turn pulls my lower jaw out about the distance of half the width of a dime. I'm still getting about 5 hours a night, but I am not sleepy when I get up around 2 or 3AM. Of course I go to bed around 9:00PM. I still get miserably sleepy in the afternoon, but I don't take a nap. I'm afraid if I get in that habit that I won't ever sleep any longer at knife.

I could feel a huge weight lift from me when I got the call the other day from my Gastro to tell me to order Bentyl, also called Dicyclomine. If I had been there in his office, I would have given him a huge hug!!

So, I continue to stay busy, trying this and trying that, hoping to get the best results possible toward the goal of living as "normal" a life as possible.

Update on Dental Appliance for Sleep Apnea

I've been wearing the TAP device for the last three nights, and thought I'd better let you know what I think of it. All in all I'm very pleased. It's certainly easier for me than trying to get used to the CPAP mask was. I would be lying if I said it is comfortable, but it's not painful and I am pretty sure I will eventually wear it without particularly noticing it. I guess it's about like wearing glasses for the first time.

There are a few things that have to be part of my routine now, because of the dental appliance. It is absolutely a must that I brush my teeth every night, something I've never really had a consistent habit about, hanging my head in shame, as I usually fall asleep in the recliner while watching TV. If I don't, I'm just asking for a bunch of cavities. Also, I have to brush the mouth pieces every morning when I brush my teeth, and leave them out to dry thoroughly.

The big change is that there are two small pieces of pliable plastic that I have to stick in between my teeth at the corners of my mouth every morning to chew on for awhile. The idea is that the TAP pulls the lower jaw forward for sleeping, so in the morning, I have to move my lower jaw back into it's normal position, so my bite will be correct. It's kind of like chewing gum, I guess, but there's no taste. It's not hard to do, but it's absolutely necessary. It's supposed to strengthen my jaw muscles, too, which will be a good Parkinson's exercise. PWP lose the ability to control their facial muscles eventually, so this should help me forestall the expressionless Parkinson's Mask, as it's called.

I haven't made any turns on the device yet, so I'm still wearing it at the first setting, which has my upper and lower teeth meeting in the front. Now, for some of you, they already do that to begin with, but I have a noticeable overbite. That overbite is one of the main reasons my Sleep Disorder doctor thinks this dental appliance will stop my Sleep Apnea. I figure I'm going to be wearing this thing the rest of my life, so what's the rush. I want to get used to it first, before I start cranking my jaw out any further, particularly since it's already set to move my lower jaw out a good bit just to make my front teeth meet.

As far as my sleeping goes, I haven't been doing much of that. I don't really think it's because of the dental appliance, though. I've taken Lunesta two nights now, and still didn't sleep more than three or four hours. I made it to five hours last night, without a sleeping pill, which is the best this week. I've never found a sleeping pill that really worked well enough on me to justify taking it, so I can't say I'm surprised the Lunesta didn't help.

I've been pretty upset with other things that have been going on with my Parkinson's right now, and I think that's cutting into my sleep. Also, I'm on several more PD meds since my ER visit, and they may be making the insomnia worse. And, even with the extra meds, I'm still wobbly, although nowhere near as bad as I was before I went to the ER.

I am having some spells of being extremely spacey and unsteady, which pass after about an hour or so, usually right after meals. I'm guessing it's the combination of all the PD meds I'm on right now, but my Neurologist will straighten that out for sure. I have them all spread out as best I could, so I'm taking something about every hour or two all day long.

I see my Neurologist tomorrow, and I'm very hopeful that he can sort out what needs to be done to help the insomnia and also give my Gastroenterologist some suggestions about medicines I can take to calm the colon spasms. He may have to change some of my PD meds, so that I can take an antidepressant, as that is the class of drugs that the colon relaxing medicines fall in. Oh, I forget to mention that I stopped taking the St. John's Wort after the first day, as the more I read I realized it was in the category of an antidepressant, and I can't take those right now.

So I'll spend today looking forward to tomorrow and some answers, I hope!

Drug Interaction Still Causing Problems

I went to the Gastroenterologist Wednesday afternoon, and he did X-rays of my abdomen to determine if I was as constipated as he thought I would be, based on my symptoms. He was surprised to find that nothing in my colon was hard or compacted. After examining me, he has come to the conclusion that my problem is caused by spasms of the digestive tract, rather than weak muscles, as he had been telling me it was. So, now he thinks my trouble is exactly the opposite of what he had thought previously!! He prescribed Triavil, which relaxes the colon muscles, and he said I should feel much better by Monday.

I've learned my lesson though, so I specifically asked him if he was sure I could take this med with my Parkinson's meds. He said he did not think this would be a problem, but to ask my pharmacist. Full of hope that he had found a way to stop my very uncomfortable situation, I called our drugstore on the way home to be sure he had it in stock. But, when hubby came back from the drugstore, he didn't bring in the prescription bag. He said the pharmacist said his computer all but crashed when he put in the medicine, it produced such a strong warning that this was a dangerous combination with my other PD meds!!

At first I handled the news stoically, but later on that evening I went through a rough time of being very depressed, with lots of crying. I called my doctor's nurse first thing Thursday morning to let her know I couldn't take it, and to remind her that he would see Selegiline listed in the interaction information, rather than Zelepar, which is just a dissolving form of Selegiline. I think that must be why he didn't realize I couldn't take it.

Anyhow, I haven't heard back from him yet, so DH and I decided it was time to take matters in our own hands. We went enzyme, herb, and spice shopping, as I have been doing some research on my own about Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), and I found some things that should help, without causing problems.

Yesterday, I started taking Turmeric, St. John's Wort, and Acidophilus capsules. DH's Oncologist has had him on Turmeric ever since he had colon cancer, and his doctor had already suggested I use it. We had our usual Date Day today, and I continued to belch a lot all day, but did not have any nausea at all, or my usual sensation as if my food was sitting at the top of my throat all day. I'm encouraged that I will find a way to calm my system down and get things back to closer to normal, whether my Gastro can find a medicine I can take or not.

I'm still very wobbly, though, so I used the cane just about everywhere we went today, and I'm using it in the house tonight, too. It may be that it's just going to take awhile to recover from the really bad state I was in Sunday, plus I may still have some of the Cortisol in my system. I'll have to see if I can find something about how long it stays in the system after getting an injection. Or, it may be that the St. John's Wort, added to my other PD meds, is giving me an overdose of Levadopa.

That's what makes figuring this all out so difficult, as too much PD meds makes for jerky movements, called Dyskinesia. If you've seen Michael J. Fox jerking around, you've seen it. When PWP have been on meds for a long time their systems process the Levadopa in a very unpredictable way, and you see these wild jerking movements. But early on, if the meds aren't strong enough, you see tremors. It's hard for me to tell if my wobbliness is tremor or jerking, so I can't tell, based on that, if I'm getting too little or too much Levadopa. My hands are only shaking ever so slightly, which makes me think I'm not getting too much. My Neuro will know when he sees me.

By then I should have heard from my Gastro doctor, and I'll know if the herbs are going to do any good or cause any problems. I will be doing more research, too, to be sure there are no contraindications of these OTC with my prescriptions.

Day One with Sinemet

Yesterday was the first full day of taking Sinemet again, as well as the Requip and Zelepar I was already on. I also had the Lodosyn and Sucralfate I requested from the ER doc, so that the Sinemet had a better chance of not making me so nauseated, the way it did last year. I started the morning hardly able to feed myself or walk, but ended the day almost back to my normal state. That was a huge relief, to say the least!!!

I also talked to my Gastroenterologist last night, but without any real conclusion to my gas and belching problem, or my elimination difficulties. He basically just asked me a lot of questions, most of which I could not give him any clear cut answer to, and told me to go on and make an appointment with him. I told him about the ER trip, and how I had been delaying my Neuro appointment, waiting for a diagnosis. He said to go on and make the Neurologist appointment, so I'll do that today. The fact that he has taken so long going over all the diary I gave him, plus his obvious quandary as to what is going on, leads me to think that a serious diagnosis is not jumping out at him as likely. That is what I'm going to assume, anyway.

The comical part of all this was trying to figure out a schedule to add in three more meds, taking into account all the restrictions on timing and eating and nearness to other meds that each one has. I finally wrote out today's schedule, and I'm taking one or more medicines today at 5AM, 6, 7:30, 9, 11, 12, 1:15, 3, 5, 6:30, and 8PM! And that doesn't count the Myralax that goes on my cereal or the glycerin suppositories I use! You should see the size of my pill boxes!! Oops, my timer just went off.... time to go take medicine LOL!

Well, I'm back. I just took the Sucralfate, a hog pill that I had trouble swallowing yesterday. Last night we cut it in half, but I still choked on it, because it's so dry going down. So, this morning I soaked the two halves in a tablespoon of water, and swallowed that. That was much easier, although I can still feel the dry scratchiness down my throat. That's one of my new stomach protector meds, so I have to take it, uncomfortable or not.

Each day is a new adventure with this PD, with some days being hopeful and others being miserable. Thank goodness I don't often get as down as I was Sunday night. I thank God for that!! And, I thank you for caring enough to say an encouraging word, too, as I surely need it.

Walking on Jello

The saga of drug interactions continues, evidently. I had a Celestone shot on Thursday to get the poison ivy under control, as a steroid shot always does the trick for me. My regular doctor has given these to me several times in the last few years, so I was not surprised when I woke up very nervous Friday. That's pretty much par for the course, plus they make it hard for me to sleep, too. So, I tolerated the shakiness Friday, and we continued with our Estate Sale hunting and went to see our younger DD for an overnight stay.

By Saturday morning I was even shakier, but we had a long way to drive home. I kept the way I was feeling to myself, figuring it would go away, and I did feel better after we ate a big breakfast. But, this morning, I was in really bad shape. I was shaking all over and holding on to furniture and the walls to get around. When my hubby got up several hours after me, I was worse. So, I called the Neurologist's answering service and the doctor on call promptly called me back. After listening to all this, he told me to go to the ER. He said he was concerned it was an infection (I didn't think so, but?) and they would be able to give me something to stop the tremors. So, we were off for the hour long drive to get to the ER, with DH trying his best not to show just how worried he was about me, and me trying my best to be still.

They took me right away, but it still took quite awhile to get the results from all the blood work they did. They did not find signs of any infection, and concluded, just as I had, that the steroid shot had precipitated this acceleration of my symptoms. So, armed with four prescriptions and orders to see my Neurologist this week, they sent me home.

So, at least for now, I'm back on Sinemet, which is the "Gold Standard" drug for Parkinson's. Since I was so nauseated with it when I took it for the Sinemet Challenge that confirmed my Parkinson's diagnosis, I had asked the ER doctor to also give me a prescription for Lodosyn, Carafate, and Phenergan. This is where my journal of everything that has happened since my diagnosis came in handy. I was able to show him in my journal that this is what my own Neurologist had put me on way back in September of 2006, when I got so nauseated with the Sinemet.

So, I'm typing this with a fairly steady hand, with all these extra meds in my system. I have an appointment tomorrow with my Gastroenterologist to find out what he thinks is going on with my digestive tract, and as soon as I know what is going on in that area, I will make an appointment to see my Neurologist.

This whole experience has been very upsetting to say the least, not only for me, but for DH as well. I hate it that he's having to take care of me the way he's had to. I hate it that I couldn't stop myself from shaking. I hate it that the ER guard came immediately, being so very solicitous, wanting to get me a wheelchair, as I was obviously so feeble looking, wobbly cane and all. I hate being this way. Today I got a glimpse of what the future holds. I hate it.

Earliest UNDIAGNOSED Symptoms of Parkinson's Disease????

Hi Rosemary

First I want to thank you for taking the time to blog. You may not be aware of important I find it to hear others Parkinson's and day to day life experiences. I appreciate it very much.

I am writing to you because my interest in PD came because I began having symptoms which I suspected might be PD. Fortunately my symptoms are very irregular and inconsistent and not at all affecting my ability to function. The Neurologist I am seeing is not good and is pretty much dismissing my symptoms as nothing. This is fine with me or maybe wishful thinking. I will have resting tremors in my left thumb on occassion as well as jerking limbs, and muscle trembles throughout my body, weakness, etc. Again there are very inconsistent and really could be normal daily problems or another issue. I am very much into Holistic and Natural health so have been doing many things to minimize or slow and potential problem I have. I am 45

I started looking for blogs to see what people reported as initial symptoms long before they were diagnosed with PD. I suspect my symptoms maybe be things people have looked back after they were diagnosed and say yeah, now I remember I had problems long before I realized there were problems. I cannot find such a blog and I am really curious as to when you reflect on your past, when did small signs begin to show up and just ignored or dismissed them. Or whether you had inconsistent symptoms at first. I could be completely wrong, I have no idea!

So after that long winded explanation I have a request. If you have the energy and time at some point, I would like to see a blog from you of your very early years working up to PD. No pressure and no hurry. It would be very much appreciated.

Keep up the blogs and my prayers are always with you

Ted C

Ted wants me to try to look back and pinpoint some of the earliest signs that may have been Parkinson's symptoms that the doctors missed. I've mentioned several things in other posts about what I now believe were warning signs that were not detected. I'm not criticizing the doctors about this, as hindsight is always better than foresight. There's absolutely no way of knowing if I'm correct on any of the possible signs or not, but I'll try to list as many things as I can remember that were puzzling at the time and went undiagnosed or ignored.

I really do have back problems that are unrelated to Parkinson's, as I have Degenerative Disk Disease. There have been many trips to different doctors over the years with back pain and weakness in my legs. There were times as long ago as 15 to 20 years ago when I was walking slower than my parents, who were in their 80's at the time. Doctors were able to alleviate the pain with epidurals, but the walking problem always gradually disappeared on its own and then returned just as mysteriously.

I've had spells of mental fog for many years, which I always blamed on female hormone problems, as I was very young when I had a complete hysterectomy, or on the stress of teaching and later as a caregiver. I was on hormone replacement therapy all that time, though.

I had a diagnosis of Functional Dysphonia while I was still teaching, which means that I could not talk at all, but it was supposed to be psychosomatic. The doctor attributed it to stress. I had bouts of severe laryngitis over a period of many years. I had always been in the choir at church, but about 15 years ago I reached a point where I could not sing through a verse without feeling like I was being strangled, with someone squeezing tightly around my neck. My breath volume was greatly diminished, too.

I went through several years of Migraine Headaches. The Neurologist I was seeing at that time found that I had a positive Babinsky reaction, which means my toes didn't do what they should have when he scraped along the bottom of my bare foot. He concluded that I had probably had one or more concussions from childhood falls. He did not cure the headaches, but the episodes finally slacked off on their own.

I had a very scary episode about 15 years ago in which my left arm went totally to sleep one night while I was watching TV. It took a lot of massaging and soaking in hot water to finally get feeling back in it. When I went to the doctor about it, she diagnosed me as having Mitral Valve Prolapse. Some years later, I had an echo cardiogram, and there was no indication of MVP. I still have to be careful that I don't keep my hand too still when we drive for any distance, as it will still go to sleep. The same thing happens in the dentist's chair. These symptoms are probably from a spur on a cervical vertebra, but who knows??

One symptom that I had never gone to a doctor with was the way I would think I was smiling when my picture was taken, only to see that my face was blank when I saw the photo later. That is a definite Parkinson's trait, and it's been something that I was aware of for many years.

There may be other symptoms that I'll think of later, but I've read this post to my DH, and he's in agreement that these are an accurate list of some of the puzzling things that have happened to me over the years. I hope other Parkies will contribute to this post, too, so it will be as informative as possible.

No Surgery for Me!!

I went back to the Orthopedist yesterday to find out the results of the MRI on my knee. He says I have arthritis, and not a torn cartilage. There are two kinds of cartilage in the knee, and it's the one that is smoothed over the bone that is becoming thin in my knee. That's whats' causing the pain, as bone scrapes against bone. He said I could come back when I needed another Cortisone shot, and eventually, when I can't stand it any more, he can do arthroscopic surgery to smooth it all back out and decrease the pain.

That was what I was hoping he would say, so we're very relieved. Now I won't be quite so timid with my exercising. I plan on making an appointment with the St. Vincent's Sports Facility for next week, and will more than likely join. I'm not having any success getting my DH to agree to join, though. He'll have to drive me and wait on me, just the way he was doing the physical therapy, so it would be great if he would join. Then he could do his own exercising while I do mine. It's tempting to nag ... but I've been around long enough to know that that will backfire. So, I'll go for me, and maybe he'll change his mind.

I was awfully sore from the waist down yesterday. I can't really tell when I'm overdoing it. I don't feel like I'm doing too much at the time, but my body sure does complain that night. LOL My walking really has improved a lot, though, and I'm still doing the exercises that the PT gave me.

So I'm feeling good about my ability to gradually improve, as long as I don't overdo it.

Starting Requip Again - Stopped Physical Therapy

Yesterday was my last time for Physical Therapy on my knee for now. I called my insurance company, and they only allow 15 PT visits a year, unless THEY approve the extra ones, and I've used 7 of them already. So, I figured I'd better leave myself with some, in case I have other problems before the end of the year.

I asked her about using the mini trampoline we have, and also a little stepper and an exercise ball. Her concerns had to do with balance, but other than that, she thought they would be fine. She said the stepper was a particularly good one for a PWP, because of the repetitive alternating motion. Of course she cautioned me to go slow about adding minutes to it, and to rest every other day or every two days. She's very emphatic about reminding me that the Parkinson's means I have to rest my muscles more than other people would need to. But she emphasized that I need to be on a regular exercise program the rest of my life.

I did start on the Requip again yesterday. Even though I've been doing all this exercise and my legs are definitely stronger, I'm still walking very slowly. It's called Bradykinesia, and it's always been my main Parkinson's symptom. Requip has some pretty uncomfortable side effects, as most of the PD meds do, it seems, so I really tried to do without it. But I just don't think the Zelepar is enough on its own. Dr. S. told me to use my own judgment on starting it back, so I've decided it's time.

I did get nauseated before lunch yesterday and I had a headache last night. Plus, this morning, I got light headed while I was taking pictures for our eBay listings. I stood still too long, I guess. Anyway, I had to stop and sit down, as I broke out in a cold sweat and could feel myself getting woozy. The worst side effect for Requip, though, is compulsive behavior - if that starts up again I won't be able to use it, for sure.

The PT worked me pretty hard yesterday, knowing it was my last visit, and I was very uncomfortable last night. I ended up taking 2 Lortab to stop the pain in my legs. At least that meant I got a good night's sleep! They don't seem to be as sore today, so that's good.

I'm having the MRI today at a different place, called a Stand Up MRI. That will be a new experience. It makes me wonder if that was chosen to get a different view of my knee, as there is a regular tunnel MRI place in the same building with my doctor.

I just realized that I forgot to call the Orthopedist's office yesterday to make the follow up appointment. I'm really having a hard time remembering to do everything that needs to be done nowadays. Hubby tries to help me keep it all straight, and I make lists like crazy. I've even started using the task reminders on my Outlook program to try to help. Of course I have to remember to put the reminders in the program LOL!

I got an email from the other PT patient who has Neuropathy last night, and of all things, we live in the same town!!! I'll be doing some research on her particular type of Neuropathy and adding links to it, if I can find anything specific for her. I wonder if she lives anywhere near the EPA toxic site, the way we do????? She's in far worse shape than I am, and the doctors don't know what's causing her problems, either. And she's young. I've added her to my prayers, and I hope she and I can continue to correspond.

It was a day of changes yesterday, but hopefully they will be good changes. Only time will tell.

Wonderful Cortisone

I went to the Orthopedist yesterday and talked to him about my knee and shoulder. I'm satisfied that the shoulder is responding well to the Physical Therapy, and I can tell that the leg, hip, and thigh muscles have strengthened since I've been going to PT, but my knee still will not straighten all the way out, and getting up and down from a chair still is extremely painful. So, he's put in a request with my insurance for the MRI, so we'll both know what's going on in there.

He did ask me if I wanted a Cortisone shot, and said it might give me relief for anywhere from a few days to a few months. The shot hurt something horrible going in, and the knee was awfully sore yesterday, but it's not hurting now! It's been so long since I could sit down without inwardly, or sometimes outwardly, groaning, that this is quite a pleasant change. I pray that I will be one of the ones to get long term relief with the shot. I've always had good success with epidurals lasting a long time, so I'm optimistic.

I did ask about going back for more PT, and his PA told me I needed to check with my insurance to see how many times they will authorize. She said I might want to keep some therapy sessions available, just in case I do end up having surgery. It's a shame that insurance companies control decisions like this, not the doctors and therapists who know how much I need this. I have good insurance though, so I'll be talking to them Monday to find out where I stand.

I had already decided before I got hurt taking care of Daddy that I would join a fitness "club" run by St. Vincent's hospital in Birmingham after he died, but the knee put that on hold. They have a program where you pay for a complete evaluation of your physical condition and they supervise your exercise program, with quarterly checkups of your progress with a Physical Therapist. They have all kinds of equipment, a pool, and lots of different classes I can take. I've been chatting back and forth with Lynda of Pilates & Reiki in Paradise about possible nearby instructors suitable for a person with Parkinson's, and oddly enough, this is the very Pilates class she suggested. Small world.

So, for the time being at least, I'm pain free, with plans for keeping it that way. We're going on our usual Date Day today, and by the time I've been in and out of the car dozens of times today, I'll know if I'm going to be one of the lucky one for whom Cortisone is a wonder drug. Wish me luck!!

Stiffness

I had trouble yesterday and today with a lot of stiffness when I got up, and it took quite a while for it to go away. I mentioned it to the PT yesterday, and she said I'm probably going to have to try to keep my activity level fairly constant, rather than over-exerting and then taking a few days off, the way most people would. It's just a Parkinson's thing, she says, and not, LOL, my age!

I did get in and out of the car a whole lot last Friday on our Date Day, as we had a lot of Estate Sales available to look at. So, I didn't do much of anything Saturday. Big mistake, evidently. Well, lesson learned. I'll know now that I need to try to keep on with at least my exercises the next day after I get overly tired. One thing's for sure, I have no intention of cutting back on our Estate Sale haunts, as that's an important part of my Quality of Life. We really enjoy each other's company, and I don't want to mess that time up at all, until it becomes absolutely impossible to continue. And I'm hoping that day is a long, long way away!

I'm looking forward to my Orthopedist appointment this Thursday, and I'm hoping he will authorize the MRI of my knee, just so I can know if I have any torn cartilage or not. I have no intention of having arthroscopic surgery on it at this stage of the game, but if it is torn, I'll probably want to find out about a knee brace for times when I might need it. Our basement is one big junk yard, and right now DH is having to do all the cleaning and throwing out by himself, as I don't dare twist anything. The brace would make me braver about squatting, turning, etc., and I'd feel better if I were helping him. After all, it's in that big a mess because I haven't felt like cleaning it out for a long, long time now, long before he retired and took over much of the housework.

So, here's to being even more physically active and feeling more useful!

The Day After PT - and I'm OK

I'm thankful to be able to say that today I have not been all stove up the way I was last week. The Physical Therapist cut back on the severity and number of repetitions this week, so I'm only mildly sore today. I did make a point of asking her if she thought I should be asking the doctor for a blue parking sticker, and she agreed that I should. I won't need it all the time, but for some places, like the Galleria, which is a huge multi-story mall, I'll definitely be taking the walker, and I'll need to be near the door.

We ate at an old Krystal's yesterday, and I guess that's the first time we've been in one in over 20 years! Luckily, I was having a good day, because the bathroom doors were not much over 20 inches wide! The sink was not much bigger than the size of a sheet of paper! It really looked like what I would imagine an airplane bathroom might look like, and definitely reminds me of the bathrooms on trains as I remember them from my childhood. So, when we got home, I found the Krystal website and complained. I had an answer from the Birmingham District Supervisor by this afternoon. It was pretty much a form letter, but it did have his phone number, etc., so I figured I'd call in a month or so and see if anything is going to be done to make those bathrooms handicap accessible.

We've been consciously advocating for better handicap facilities in businesses we go to for years now, never thinking that someday one of us would be needing them. Now, I'm super conscious, and very glad that I've been doing my part to make managers aware of what needed to be done.

Quadriceps Are Giving Me Fits

Well, I think the Physical Therapist came close to killing me last Thursday LOL. The tops of my thighs, where the quadriceps muscles are, were so sore Friday through Sunday that it was all I could do to get in and out of the car or sit down or get up from even the handicap toilet. I spent the whole time on strong pain pills, and much of it with the hot pad in use.

So, when I went for therapy yesterday I was very quick to let her know that whatever she did Thursday was too much. She cut way back and basically just did a few warm ups and then put me on the ultrasound, electrical stimulation, and moist heat for a long time. She doesn't want me to walk at the track but every other day for one lap, avoiding the days when I have therapy. She says as weak as the quadriceps are that she's afraid I will lose my balance or start to fall. Without the quads being strong, she says I'll damage my knee. She was also surprised that I was able to walk even the quarter mile around the track once, even with the cane. She says I'm compensating in some way for the weak quads, which means I have just completely forgotten how to walk normally. I really try to do it "right," but I must not be, according to her.

She did say that the other PN patient she has is doing better, and she did give her the URL for this blog. I'm going to be disappointed if she doesn't write, as it will do me good to talk to someone who has a similar problem.

I was a good girl this morning, and only did one slow lap with the cane, concentrating on the technique for each step. Then I did my home exercises while DH walked his 2 miles. He lapped me 3 times before I could get around once! ROTFL

I go back to the Orthopedist next week, and I'll decide after I talk to him whether I should try to get an appointment with my Neurologist sooner than scheduled. I suspect he will agree with me on that. He was planning on getting an MRI of my knee once I had the PT, as that's what my insurance required before they would authorize the MRI. I am so thankful that I had this opportunity to go to Physical Therapy. It's a shame that insurance companies are so stingy with authorizing it. I can't get it for chronic conditions, so having Parkinson's Disease or Peripheral Neuropathy wouldn't get me permission. But wrenching my knee did!! Strange twisted logic - it's OK for me to fall because of weak muscles sometime in the future????

The deadline for our BLOG VILLAGE HEALTH Carnival is this Friday, but I haven't decided yet which post to enter from this blog. Too many to choose from, I guess. If you have a post you could enter, I'd appreciate your participation.

Physical Therapy Continues

I am shocked at how weak my right side has become. And a little scared, too, as I can see that I'm going to be in need of care giving a lot sooner than I had imagined, if I cannot regain at least a reasonable amount of my muscle strength. The PT has been very kind this week, and has allowed me to take the time to do the leg exercises on both sides, even though the "prescription" from the doctor only addresses the right knee. Actually, I don't really think the knee is the problem, only the result. The real problem, which is definitely the case on both sides, but more so on the right, is that my hip muscles are extremely compromised. That's causing the unnatural gait and putting the extra strain on the knee. The right one just complained more because of the stress shifting Daddy in the bed caused.

My shoulder is definitely improving, so that's something to be pleased with, anyway. She didn't even work on it yesterday, except for the electrical stimulation and moist heat therapy at the end of the session. I spent two hours there yesterday, just working on my legs and hips. Plus, we walked yesterday morning, and I did 3/4 of a mile, with the cane.

She wants me to cut back on the walking every few days to one or two laps to give my muscles a chance to recuperate, so I'll just sit and watch DH finish his laps on those days. She tells me that the Peripheral Neuropathy causes my muscles to fatigue faster than normal and bounce back more slowly, so I have to be careful to not overdo each set of exercises and rest longer between them than other people would need to.

We chatted while I worked, and it seems that she has another patient right now with idiopathic PN, too. Idiopathic just means the doctors don't know what's causing it, which is true for me, too. Anyway, I gave her the address for this blog to pass along to her, and I hope she does stop by. I know it helps me to chat with people with similar problems, and it's very hard to find much on the Internet about Peripheral Neuropathy that's not caused by diabetes.

My hip sockets and upper thighs ached the rest of the day yesterday, so I ended up taking a Lortab to get to sleep last night. I do feel better this morning, though, and we won't go to the track today, since it's our Date Day. That will help my muscles rest and rebuild. She wants to see me two times next week, again to allow more time for the muscles to rest before the therapy sessions. Of course, I have my list of home exercises to continue, so I'll still be getting therapy.

Oh, another thing I did yesterday was to stop and buy new bottles of my Centrum Silver and vitamin C+D. I found out at the eye doctor's office the other day that not everyone can dissolve the wax that's used to turn medicines into pills. That means some people pass the pills straight through their body without even getting any benefit at all. I had heard that before, that sometimes when septic tanks are cleaned out they are full of pills! So,to get maximum benefit, he told me to change to capsules or gels. Centrum doesn't seem to come that way, so I got the chewable ones instead, and I found the C+D in gells. She also said I was not taking enough of the C for my Osteopenia (loss of bone mass that is not as bad as Osteoporosis), so now I'll be taking those twice a day. She warned me not to try to just take one huge dose, though. She says the body can't absorb more than about 500 units at a time.

Sorry to sound so depressing today, but this has really slammed home to me how much function I've already lost, with no way of knowing if I can regain it. I can only do my best to follow the PT's directions and hope for the best.

Peripheral Neuropathy Rears Its Ugly Head

I went to the Physical Therapist this morning for evaluation of my knee and shoulder problems. The news was not good. It seems that I have significant weakness in my right leg and hip muscles, and also in my left hip muscles. My hand strength was markedly less in the right hand than the left, but that didn't surprise me.

She said it was no wonder I was having trouble with my knee, or with walking, as my muscles were so very weak. She does not want me to walk so far at the track, but to concentrate on walking with full use of my hip muscles. I had already realized that I wasn't doing that. When I do take a full stride from the hip I feel like I'm drunk, with a wobbly unsteady sensation. I don't know any other way to describe it, and I look drunk, too. She wants me to use my cane on a regular basis, because she doesn't want me to reinforce my unnatural gait. I'm to see her two more times this week, plus she's given me a set of exercises to do here at home.

She thinks the knee is so irritated because the muscles that should be providing support just aren't doing their job well at all. And she said the same thing about both hips. So, I'm going to be busy trying to build up what I can, before I end up on the floor LOL!!

I also had an ultrasound treatment on my knee and an electrical stimulation treatment on the shoulder and the knee, with moist heat, too. That felt wonderful, and it's supposed to improve and speed up the healing process.

The PT is a very nice lady, and I felt comfortable with her immediately. It's just as well, as it sounds like I'm going to be going there for awhile. Of course, insurance has a lot to do with how many sessions they'll let me have, so I need to learn as much as I can about how to do the exercises at home.

Getting Back to Normal?

I've gotten a lot done in the last few days. We've had the appraiser out to the house, the taxes are ready to sign and mail, and I'm almost finished with the tax bookwork for our paid caregiver. I finally gave up and went to the Orthopedist about my knee and shoulder, too. The X-rays showed the degenerated cervical disk I already knew about, and arthritis in my knee, which wasn't surprising. Dr. J is guessing that I have a torn miniscus, but it will take an MRI to determine that. From what I've been able to read on the Internet, that seems like a reasonable diagnosis to me, particularly since it was injured when I was shifting Daddy up in the bed.

I'll have to go to Physical Therapy and stay on Extra Strength Tylenol 3 times a day before my insurance will agree to the MRI. That's fine with me, as far as the therapy goes, as I'm sure it will be helpful. The Tylenol doesn't even faze the pain, but I'm following his directions and taking it regularly.

We're still walking at the track early in the mornings, but it's been way too cold the last few days. Alabama is having record cold weather right now. So, we've been doing exercises from videos. DH is REALLY following the tape, and I'm bouncing on one of those little trampolines and doing as much of the arm movements as my shoulder will let me.

I'm still just taking the Zelepar, hoping that the exercise and whatever the doctor does for my knee will be enough. I just don't want to try the Requip, if I can possibly help it.

We had our usual Date Day Friday and enjoyed looking at lots of Estate Sales. We've never been able to be an Early Bird before! It was strange to get there before most of the stuff was gone. And we did manage to pick up a few good buys, I think.

It's been ages now since I've taken pictures and put anything on eBay, but I'm going to try to get back to that this week. We have an almost overwhelming amount of "stuff" we've bought in the last few years, and I haven't been able to work seriously on our online sales for almost 2 years. With so much of the Estate business started now, I'm ready to get back to NORMAL.

Lots to Do Settling Daddy's Estate

This is the second time I've been the executor of an estate, but Daddy's is much more involved than Pop's was. Luckily, we have a niece who is a lawyer, so I'll have some help when I'm ready. I've tried researching what I need to do on the Internet, and I've been surprised at how little help I could find. Everything seems to be geared toward Estate Planning, rather than settling an estate.

April 15th is getting closer, too, and I've just not been up to dealing with important numbers. I did get a good start today, though. Starting is half the battle for me, as I find I've become quite the procrastinator in the last few years. I don't know if that's a sign of old age LOL, stress, or Parkinson's!

We walked again this morning, but I was slow as mud. I made it around for a half mile, using the walker. I've been using the walker all this week, but I depended on it more today, as I could feel the tightness in my shoulders when I stopped. That slow as mud feeling is the first Parkinson's symptom I had, so it's looking less and less like I'll be able to continue on just the Zelepar. The Neurologist told me I could go back on the Requip as well, if I felt like I had to. I've resisted, because the Requip gave me stomach troubles last time. Well, I had stomach trouble when I was on the Requip - that doesn't automatically mean the Requip was causing it. It's that uncertainty that has kept me trying to do without it. I'm just not ready to cope with stomach side effects yet. Maybe next week.

I taught 4th and 5th graders for 25 years, but I've seen the "Smarter than a Fifth Grader" TV show a couple of times since I've been back home. It's scary how much my mind goes blank on stuff I know I should know. I hope it's just remnants of caregiver burnout, and not the PD effecting my mental abilities. Stress can really do a number on such tasks, so I'm trying really hard to relax as much as I can. But getting things accomplished is part of what's needed to lower my stress level, too, so it's a matter of finding a balance, I guess.

I continue to be uplifted by all the loving comments. You all really are helping. Just a thought for you, if you need to send a sympathy card to someone. One of our friends included a neatly cut out copy of Daddy's Obituary notice in their card. It was very much appreciated.

Time I Tried to Catch Up

I've ended up doing the very thing I really didn't want to do, and that's not keep this blog as a daily journal. It's just that so much has been happening lately that I just had to put blogging way down on my priority list.

So.... here goes .........

Since I wrote last, Daddy has been much worse. There was a large bulge in his upper right colon area that no amount of enemas, suppositories, stool softeners, or laxatives seemed to be effecting at all. We are fortunate enough to live in the country, where doctors still treat their patients as individuals. So Friday, a week ago, Daddy's primary care physician came out to the house after work! After feeling around on the area, he really didn't think it was a bowel impaction, but there was no way for him to be sure. He suggested we put Daddy in the hospital for some tests. I spent the weekend deeply upset by that prospect, not knowing what was best for him. Dr. Mc understood that we had no intention of any type of surgery, if they did find anything other than fecal matter. On top of the rest of my misery over making this decision, he would be in the hospital I swore I would never take anyone to ever again.

I finally decided that I would be in worse shape emotionally if I didn't at least give it a try, so I was in the hospital with Daddy for several days this last week. We came home Thursday, after the tests they did showed conclusively that it was not fecal matter. We stopped them from running any more tests, so it was left as a diagnosis of a soft tissue mass. I don't need to know what it is ... only that I can give him pain medicine, because it won't be causing more constipation on a blocked bowel.

We also brought home new pressure sores, because it took lots of complaining to get them to change him and turn him. And, when they did handle him, most of them were not gentle with his skin. Did I say I hate that hospital??

One of the two really caring PCA's gave me four hospital gowns to take home, which is a big help at this point.

Yesterday evening, when DH and I started to turn Daddy to change his Depends, he threw up all over the place. Considering the amount of food and liquid Frances had gotten in him, everything must have been sitting in his stomach all day!! He was obviously in pain, so I called the Hospice nurse, who advised that I not try to give him his night medicines or move him for at least an hour. We cleaned him up the best we could and managed to get towels between his skin and the sheets, etc., that were soaked.

After an hour, we changed everything out to clean, but it was obvious we were really hurting him with every turn. After reporting in to the nurse, she said not to feed him or give him any medicine, but to call again if he didn't go to sleep comfortably on his own.

I called her back at 2:00AM, as things were worse again, and she told me to give him the morphine that absorbs through his mouth. She arrived about an hour later, as we are on the outside reach of this Hospice territory. He was running a temp, and his blood pressure was very high. We managed to get the blood pressure med in him that he had missed at supper time, plus a sublingual tablet for fever. I'm not sure what that was.

She then suggested I try to get some sleep, and she sat up with him for three hours, while I napped!! There's a lot about this hospice I don't like, but she moved them up a few notches in my estimation, in the wee hours of this morning!!!!!

Part of the reason I haven't been blogging is that my right arm and hand have been in considerable pain and swelling since we went to the hospital. Thinking it would be enough, I only took my cane. By the time I had walked all over the place as they took Daddy for tests, I had put too much pressure on my arm, and I paid the price for not remembering to swap to the left hand often. Thank goodness, I had thought to pack my hot pad. So I spent his hospital time doping myself up with as much pain medicine as I dared to, and still staying awake enough to be harassing them to do their job. I just couldn't manage the computer very well at all!! It looks like I'm going to have to learn how to use a mouse left handed ... I'm pitifully uncoordinated as a lefty ... far more so now with the PD.

I'm also fortunate that we had bought a really nice wheel walker with the seat in it some time ago at an Estate Sale. DH was very depressed when we bought it, but it was a blessing when my arm hurt so much.

I can't thank you all enough for your prayers and kind thoughts while all this was going on. I knew you were worried about my sudden disappearance, and appreciate the emails I received. Just know that you have been supporting me, even though you didn't know what was going on.

Tremors Galore!!

Don't let anyone give you the impression that everyone who has Parkinson's reacts the same way to the loss of dopamine in the brain. I'm one of those whose main symptom is Bradykinesia, which means without medicine I can barely get my legs to move at all. My upper body movements are slower and less coordinated, but my lower body simply has no clue what my brain is telling it to do. This effects my walking, balance, and my digestive system muscles. Something as simple as standing through the verses of a song in church can be very difficult for me to do. I'm also having lots of problems sleeping, no matter how tired I am.

Unlike the stereotypical image of a PWP, I have not had tremors. Well, I can't say that any more. Yesterday evening I noticed a rhythmic series of what felt like shivers to me, but I wasn't cold. I thought it was nerves, as things have been quite stressful around here lately. But when I tried to go to sleep last night, those shivers turned into full blown tremors. Not only my legs, but for awhile there, my whole body was uncontrollably shaking. These are called resting tremors, as they immediately stopped when I raised both legs. As soon as I put my legs back down - they would start up again. Yep, that's Parkinson's tremors, alright. Something else to talk to the Neurologist about next week.

I have decided not to add the Requip to the Zelepar, since the doctor's appointment is so close, but if I do the shake, rattle, roll thing again tonight, I may change my mind. Just as a point of information that I find extremely odd, PWP don't have tremors in their sleep!! Weird, isn't it??

My Uplifting Valentine's Presents

This last week has really been a strange one, on several counts. I wouldn't normally go this long without a post, but I tried to get a little too fancy with my Drive Partitioning software, and couldn't get the computer to boot at all! It took me several days to figure out how to fix it, and several more to get everything back the way it belonged. Luckily, I'm good about backing up my data, so I didn't lose any of that.

In between working on the computer, DH and I have had quite a time with Daddy. He's been getting more and more wobbly, and less and less able to follow our transfer directions. So, we've had several episodes of it taking every bit of strength the two of us had to get him from one place to another. The last straw was Monday or Tuesday (I've lost track HA!) when we had the usual bowel problem. Thank goodness I had decided to move the commode into the bedroom, instead of trying to take him in the bathroom. By the time that ordeal was finished, he just about finished all three of us before we got him cleaned up and back in his wheelchair. The Hospice nurse came not long after that, and she could tell how exhausted we all were. This time, when I asked for lifting help, she agreed that it was time.

So, what did I get for Valentine's Day???? A brand spanking new Hoyer Lift!!! Frances, our paid care giver, DH, and I learned how to use it this morning, and we were able to move Daddy from the bed all the way into the living room to his recliner, without any trouble at all. He's more comfortable, and we're MUCH happier. And our backs and nerves appreciate it, too!!

I've been pleased with how well the Zelepar has been helping me deal with all this physical and emotional strain. I did have a bout of hysterical crying this weekend, though, because Daddy's foot looked worse to me, and I felt so guilty that I had let it get that way. My head knew I'd done my best, but my emotions sure didn't. The Podiatrist was here today, and he's very pleased with how it's progressing, so that's a big relief. Hey, that's another Valentine's Day present for me!!

And, today, for the first time in years, the pressure sore on Daddy's bottom is all but healed! Present number THREE!!

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. For the first time in quite some time, I really think we're going to be able to keep Daddy out of a Nursing Home. The lift, the gel seat cushion, our Estate Sale sheepskin finds, and the rippling mattress have made all the difference in the world in Daddy's quality of life. I thank God for his tender mercies.

Downs and Ups with Daddy

A lot has been going on with Daddy this week that has kept us both pretty busy. I called the Podiatrist's office Monday about his heel, and they said he would come by Wednesday evening. The regular Hospice nurse came and took a look at it and changed the bandages, telling me that the key thing was to keep the blister from breaking open. She promised that we would get the rippling kind of mattress this week, too, which is supposed to help with pressure sores, such as those on his bottom and heel.

Monday night was the worst I've had with Daddy. His usual bedtime is 6:30, but he wasn't sleepy then. That's not too surprising, since he sleeps so much during the day, but part of his night medicine is a Tylenol PM, so I can't let him stay up too late after taking that, or it would be dangerous to try to transfer him into bed. So, I put him to bed a little after 7:00PM. He spent the next 5 hours talking wildly about things like when was he going home, who were all those people, where was his bed, where was I going to sleep, and on and on. He would call me to the back every 15 or 20 minutes, and nothing I told him appeased him. When I told him he was already in bed, he would disagree, telling me he was in the car, and wanted to go home. About midnight he finally went to sleep, but the whole craziness started over again off and on every few hours until it was time to get up.

Not surprisingly, he was wobbly all day Tuesday, and I was worn out, too. So, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night I gave him 2 Tylenol PM! He slept soundly, and his walking was much better during the day. His appetite has even shown signs of improving a little.

His Podiatrist ended up coming out yesterday evening. He immediately set to cutting the whole top of the blister off!! Mind you, Hospice had told me to do everything I could to keep the blister intact. I was SO glad I had called him! He showed me a dark place in the tissue that was already beginning to develop into a deep decubitus ulcer, and said it would not have healed if it were not fixed so it could drain. He also told me to keep it open to the air as much as I could, instead of keeping it all wrapped up.

I think I've finally gotten my point across to the Hospice people that I expect preventative care as much as possible. So the rippling air mattress came yesterday!! It has many crosswise sections of air filled tubes that slightly inflate and deflate back and forth from the top to the bottom of the bed and back. For getting in and out of the bed, it can also be set to inflate completely for a firm surface. I think this will actually help, and may even keep him from getting any more sore places on his bottom.

He still has times when he doesn't know whose house he's in, but the hallucinations are not as disturbing to him as they were. His strength is returning, and with the improved appetite, he feels more like walking. So, a week that started as the worst yet has prospects of ending as one of the better ones. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!!

We Have BOOTIES!!

Finally, a good two weeks or more after I first asked for them, the nurse brought the sheepskin looking booties today. If I had gotten them when I asked, his heel would not have looked so bad, and may not have even blistered at all. She also brought the seat cushion for his chair. His bottom is also getting worse, so this will help considerably.

We spent the whole morning trying to achieve a bowel movement. I've been giving Daddy 2 stool softeners with each meal, plus a Senna laxative tablet each night. He hadn't been since last Wednesday, so this morning we went all out to get some results. Prune juice for breakfast, plus another laxative tablet. It's quite an involved process to get him in the bathroom now, but DH helped me this morning. Daddy still couldn't go. So, I used a suppository. We waited, but still nothing.

By the time we had him ready to move to his chair in the living room, everything decided to start working. So, we went through the routine to get him back in the bathroom, take care of that, and then put him on the bed, so I could get him really clean and put ointment back on his sores. Then, we got him back up and into his chair. By the time we did all that, the nurse came. His chair is a recliner, which he would not use before. But we had so much trouble keeping him comfortable in his chair or the wheelchair Saturday, that we thought it was worth a try. By propping his calves up with two pillows, we finally got his legs high enough for his heels to hang without touching anything. And he's comfortable. He immediately fell asleep, bless his heart.

He's not the only one who's worn out! DH had to take over and sit with him while we were waiting for him to finish in the bathroom, because my stomach started churning and cramping. I not only had diarrhea, but I came very close to throwing up. I think it was just from my nerves, but this would never have happened before I had Parkinson's. It makes me so very nervous to work with him, because I'm so slow at everything I do. I'm afraid he's going to fall while I'm trying to get his pants down. In fact, I'm afraid he's going to fall every time I do anything with him. Really, I'm just afraid, period. Even though I know exactly what I want to do, I have no confidence that I will be able to actually do it, anymore.

DH and I have eaten lunch, but we've left Daddy sleeping for now, as he's exhausted. DH is asleep sitting on the sofa, and I'm blogging and resting. We're all three worn out from the morning's doings. LOL

This nurse says the other nurse will bring the air mattress when she comes later in the week, which should help his bottom a good bit.

I managed to control my temper while the nurse was here, as I didn't see that anything useful would come from letting her know just how mad at her I was. My DH knew I was mad, but I don't think she ever realized it. I hope not, as we have to work with her.

But if we have another situation develop like this one, I doubt if I will be so restrained.

Daddy Stayed in the Bed All Day

Today was Frances' day to stay with Daddy, so we could go to church. As it turned out, I was just too tired to go, and stayed home and slept until DH returned from church.

Frances called before he left for church, though, to say she wasn't comfortable trying to get Daddy out of the bed. She had tried, and he was just too weak. So, she sat with him in the bedroom, changing his position, feeding him, changing Depends, all day long.

When we took over this afternoon, I had him go through some mild therapy exercises, just to see how stiff he was from being in the bed. He seemed to be moving OK, and said he didn't hurt anywhere. His heels are hanging off a pillow, so they're taken care of. His bottom looks no different than it did, certainly no worse. He even let me feed him oatmeal tonight. That's the first time I've fed my Daddy a meal, since he had his pacemaker surgery over 15 years ago. He surprised me by being willing to let me do it. Since there really wasn't anything for two people to do, once he had fixed the oatmeal, I sent DH home early tonight. No need for him to sit in this hot house if he doesn't need to.

We listened to the Super Bowl on the radio, and Daddy stayed awake until it was over - way past his usual bedtime. He made several remarks about not being able to find his bed, so I went through the whole explanation of which bedroom he was in, and this is his house, the whole thing that gets repeated night after night. By the time the game was over, he seemed content that he knew where he was, and promptly went to sleep.

It's after 10, and I'm beginning to yawn now, so I'll finish up and try to get some more sleep. Hopefully, tomorrow, Daddy will feel like getting up, and will be strong enough to do it.

For the Want of a Nail .....

It's pitiful the domino effect one small problem can have on the well being of an elderly person.

From the start of putting Daddy in the hospital bed, he has been very touchy on his left heel when I'm getting him dressed in the mornings. I had already, some time ago, asked for help keeping his heels in good condition, as I had noticed some splotchy areas there. The nurse said she would order booties. When they didn't bring them, I asked the next nurse I saw about them, and she said she would take care of it. Well, the booties didn't come, and yesterday morning Daddy had a water blister on the bottom of that left heel that is huge.

Even though it was Saturday, I called the after hours Hospice number, telling them about his heel. The nurse had a call to make in the opposite direction from us, but she said she would see him sometime that day. Sure enough, she did come about lunchtime.

When she measured the blister, it was 2" by 3"!! His whole heel has broken down!! No wonder it was hurting. She used an ointment on it, padded it with gauze, wrapped his foot in Coban, and reminded me to hang his heels off a pillow and not let them touch anything. She said I did the right thing calling, and she thought it had been caught soon enough that it would heal quickly. Of course, Daddy is diabetic, so quickly is a relative term.

I'm just sick about that heel. I've been going to his house to fix breakfast and put on his shoes and socks for years now. I always checked his feet and made sure I smoothed out any wrinkles in his socks, before putting on his shoes. Now, too many people are dressing him, and I have no idea how the blister got started.

So, for want of a nail, the battle was lost. Hopefully, our battle is not lost, but it certainly has been put in jeopardy! Because of the huge bandage on his foot, he can't wear his shoes. Because he can't wear shoes, he's not as sure footed when he tries to stand up. Because he's having trouble standing or walking, he had to stay in the wheelchair almost all day long. Because he's in the wheelchair and not walking to the bathroom, he's not getting any exercise, so his legs are even weaker. Because he's sitting almost constantly, with his legs up, the pressure on his bottom is greater, so the sores on his bottom are getting worse!

The nurse was obviously concerned that I had not gotten the booties when I asked for them. She said she would see to it that the medical supply company brought out the seat cushion, booties, and an air mattress as soon as possible. We'll see.

This is exactly why I don't want to put him in a nursing home. If his skin has broken down here, with me asking several times for the equipment that would have prevented it, how much longer would they have waited to deal with his skin, with no one around to remind them??

We spent the day yesterday trying to keep him as comfortable as we could, what with his bottom sore and his foot sore.

This was not the Hospice we had used with Mama and Pop, but the one the doctor's office made arrangements with. I'm seriously considering switching Hospices. That means returning all the equipment and getting another set from the Hospice we liked, but at this rate, it will be worth it!! It all depends on how long it takes them to get this equipment to us this week. If it's delayed, they're fired, no matter how much of a hassle it is!!

Hallucinations

Daddy has been hallucinating for the last several days off and on. At times he doesn't realize he is at home, and starts wanting to know when we're going home. Although he is blind, I've noticed him looking around at things with this wide eyed expression on his face. He's obviously seeing things that aren't there. And, he's talking about them, too! Normally, Daddy is a very quiet person, but he's been chatting away about these children playing in the living room and the trucks in the bedroom. No amount of reassuring him that it's not real will convince him of it. Up until yesterday, the hallucinations seemed harmless enough, but were a definite sign that something had made a down turn.

Yesterday morning was the worst I've had yet with Daddy. Thank goodness my DH got to the house just about the time I was going to get him up. I found him lying astraddle of the bed, with legs partway off, having made an unsuccessful attempt to get himself out of bed. His bottom was much too close to the edge of the mattress to have him sit up, so we had to try to maneuver him back in the bed. All the while, he's loudly protesting that the trucks are coming into the bedroom, and he's struggling against us, trying to get up. We finally managed to get him seated at the foot of the mattress with enough spare room to be reasonably safe.

The question was, now that we had him there, how were we going to get him up, when he was exhausted. Thank goodness I've had prior experiences I could fall back on! We ended up taking the arm off the wheelchair and making a difficult sideways transfer of about 12 inches!! He's just a dead weight and doesn't help at all. By the time we got him in the chair, I was already worn out. Thank goodness I had taken my Zelepar earlier, before he got up!!

By the hardest, we managed to get him partially dressed, but there was no way to pull up his pants or change him out of his night Depends into fresh ones. With one more gigantic effort, we managed to lift him up enough to get the wet Depends off and a dry one under him, partially taped up on the sides. That was just going to have to do for then. DH rolled him into the kitchen, with his trousers down at his ankles, and I covered him up the best I could.

His kitchen table is too low to let the arms of the wheelchair go under it, so he tried to eat breakfast farther away from the table than he's used to. He was still hallucinating and talking about the hole in his bedroom wall where the trucks had come through. He ate very little, but he did let me feed him a few bites. Luckily, we have the Rhoho cushion that Mama had after she broke her hip. Sitting on that is like sitting on air, and it's designed to prevent pressure sores. So we stood him up one last time for the day, and managed to get it under him. We ended up leaving him in the wheelchair all day, for safety's sake.

DH stayed longer than usual last night, so he could help me get Daddy to bed. It was not easy, but it was nowhere near as bad as getting him out had been.

Frances came today, and thank goodness Daddy was lucid this morning! Since I knew what to expect today, she and I changed the Depends and got him partially dressed before we ever let him get up. That made things a lot simpler. We stuck around and helped with him until she had him ready for breakfast. Then we got out of there for our Date Day. We both really needed to be away from all that nervous tension for awhile.

He's still really weak tonight, but he's beginning to understand a little of what is expected of him when he needs to make a transfer. That helps a lot.

So I write this tonight, not knowing who I will deal with tomorrow - my Daddy, or the fellow with all the trucks and children. I'll find out in the morning, won't I?

Zelepar is Working Much Better, Insomnia Is Still a Challenge

Evidently the reason I was not getting good results with the Zelepar was due to the strep infection. (I did get a refill on the antibiotic, so my throat continues to improve.) This time, my walking is quite normal, and so is my balance. I am taking the second dose earlier than I did last time, as I think it was one of the factors that was keeping me from sleeping. So this has been a pleasant surprise, and a welcome result.

As for sleeping, that's been, shall we say, interesting? My Neurologist did not want me to stay on the Ambien CR continuously, although he did refill the prescription. So, I figured I'd better find some other way to get some sleep. It wasn't working all that great any more, anyway.

Daddy has been taking one or two Tylenol PM for years, so I figured I'd give it a try. I tried two pills for two nights, then cut back to one pill. I was still waking up after a few hours, but went back to sleep quicker. I was getting more hours sleep with the Tylenol than I had been recently with the prescription for Ambien. Go figure. But, I felt drugged for several hours in the morning.

Time to try something else, right? I figured it was time I found out just how much sleep I would get without any sleep aid. The first night I got very little sleep, and wasn't even sleepy the next day. But after that first night, I've been sleeping just about as much as I did with the Ambien. So, I'm just going to do without, saving the Ambien CR for special situations. That way, maybe I'll get the longer sleep time, the way I did the first few nights I took it.

A Clinical Trial of One??

In a real Clinical Trial, doctors use a very large number of people, usually, but not always, divided into two groups. One group gets the medicine being tested, and the other group gets fake medicine, called a placebo. At the end of the trial, if the people getting the real medicine have improved considerably more than the group getting the placebo, the medicine is assumed to be the cause of the improvement. That's a good thing!

They use such large numbers of people to conduct these trials, because there are always going to be unforeseen situations that influence the effectiveness of the medicine for some people. Maybe a few of the subjects have an undiagnosed disease that makes even the best of medicines not work. Or maybe some of them are under a lot of stress that ruins their results.

When you see a new medicine being talked about with glowing praise of its effectiveness, you have to be very cautious about getting all excited about it. I have seen reports like that where the trial only had 16 people in it. That only gives doctors a hint that a certain medicine might be helpful. It's just not enough people to tell you much.

That's the problem with trying to find the right medicine for me, or any other PWP. We are, in a very real sense, our own Clinical Trial. The last time I was on Requip, I was terribly bloated, with horrible stomach cramps and gas. So, the Neurologist took me off of it, and he put me on Zelepar. That medicine dissolved under the tongue, so it doesn't bother the digestive system. My stomach improved tremendously. The question is, was that because of the Zelepar, or was it because, that same week, my Gastroenterologist changed the prescriptions I was taking for my stomach? Also, my symptoms were not alleviated as well when I was on the Zelepar --- BUT I had strep throat most of the time I was trying it, without knowing I was that sick.

There's no way to be sure, is there, with more than one medicine being changed at the same time, and with me being sick, too? I talked with my Neurologist yesterday about this, and the fact that I had gone back to 1 Requip pill a day for several days, because I ran out of the Zelepar samples before my appointment. Even though I had been on the Requip for several days, my stomach was doing just fine.

So, Dr. S. has prescribed another month of Zelepar, to give it a fair trial at helping my PD symptoms. If I am still not getting as good a results with it as I was the Requip, I am to add the old dosage of 3 times a day of Requip to the Zelepar, which I take 2 times a day. I don't see Dr. S. for 6 more weeks, to try to give me a chance to tell what is going to work best for me.

Parkinson's Disease is different from many diseases, where there is some MRI or blood test that will tell the doctor what is helping, and what is not. With PD, it really is up to me. I have to be the judge for myself if the Neurologist has prescribed the right medicine and the right dosage. Then he bases my prescriptions on his vast experience with many other PWP he has treated.

But it still boils down to a Clinical Trial of one - ME!

Can I Keep Daddy in His Own Home Any Longer?

It looks like it's time to consider a Nursing Home for Daddy, something I never wanted, and he certainly won't want.

The last couple of weeks have been busy ones, as far as taking care of my Daddy is concerned. He woke up two weeks ago with his right arm in such pain and so stiff that he's been having to eat breakfast left handed. He can't even get the spoon to his mouth with his right hand. The Hospice nurse came and checked him out, but she couldn't find anything in particular going on. She did get a prescription for Ibuprofen, so I've been alternating every four hours with the Motrin and Extra Strength Tylenol. By lunch time his arm has been better, but it starts all over the next day, just as bad as the day before.

With his arm like that, he's having more difficulty getting out of his chair and the bed. Eating has been very frustrating for him, and he's having more trouble using the walker. I've been trying to help him get up and down, to give his arm a chance to heal, whatever has been wrong with it.

Day before yesterday, the nurse looked at it again and was concerned about a good bit of fluid build up around the elbow and upper arm. I knew his hand was swollen, but I hadn't realized the upper arm was larger, too. Anyway, she made an appointment for us to see his GP, Dr. M., in case it was a hairline fracture from the original fall, or something like that.

I didn't realize until yesterday just how much worse Daddy is than he was when he first fell. Trying to move him from the chair to the wheelchair, and then from the wheelchair to the car, was just about impossible. I wore myself out trying to do it. Luckily, Frances, our sitter, was there to help move him into the car, and she was panting by the time he was in. It's so much different than when we took care of Mama and Pop. They were both small people, not weighing more than 100 pounds, and they both cooperated. Daddy is about 160 pounds, and he's a dead weight. To make matters worse, he doesn't trust anybody, so he kept grabbing hold of the car door for dear life, and we had to peel his hands free to get him to hold onto us to maneuver him.

We asked for help at the doctor's office, getting him out and back in, so at least we didn't have to struggle with him there. But then, of course, we had to get him out of the car and back in the wheelchair on our own when we got home. He wasn't any easier to move then than he had been at first.

The whole ordeal was extremely upsetting. The worst part of it was that the doctor no longer has an X-ray machine, so it was more or less a wasted trip. We have to see an Orthopedist next week. That means going through all this again. I did mention to Dr. M. that I had a sore throat, so the nurse swabbed it, and I have strep. So now I'm on antibiotics. At least we accomplished that!

Yesterday's events have forced me to reconsider just how much longer we are going to be able to keep Daddy in his home. I can see that he's fast reaching a point where I won't be strong enough to take care of him. My DH and my Daddy have always had, shall we say, a cool relationship with each other. So DH gets frustrated with him, and Daddy stays mad at DH. My hubby is here for me, and doing a great amount of the work, but he's just not up to the cheek to cheek "dance" it takes to move someone who's not able (or willing) to help. And I've had a lot more practice at it, too. It is a skilled maneuver, but with Daddy, I'm just not strong enough to do it well.

So, I started thinking about Assisted Living homes vs Nursing Homes last night. I really don't think an Assisted Living place would take Daddy, but he's so mentally alert most of the time I hate the idea of a Nursing Home. I don't think I'm going to have a choice, though. We had visited just about every good Nursing Home in this area when we were caring for my mother and father-in-law, so I have a pretty good idea which ones to check for vacancies.

We have an appointment Tuesday with the Orthopedist, and his diagnosis of what's wrong with Daddy's arm will have a lot to do with where we go from there. If he puts Daddy's arm in a sling, we're in a mess. So, we'll get through the next few days as best we can, and go from there.

All this has been happening while I was supposed to be giving the Zelepar a fair trial. Considering how yucky my throat has been the last couple of weeks, and how much more work has been involved in taking care of Daddy, plus the extra stress of seeing him deteriorate, the Zelepar really hasn't gotten a fair trial. I'm not walking as well as I did with the Requip, but my stomach is definitely better. From recent reading I've done, I understand that this is the maximum dose of Zelepar, so that's not likely to improve, unless it's because of the increased stress, or because I had strep, and that effected my walking.

So at the moment, my thoughts are up in the air, with lots of questions, but no clear way to answer them right now.

Tummy Improvement OR Walking Faster?

I've been on the new Zelepar medicine for several days now, and my digestive system is behaving just fine. I don't seem to be getting quite as much help with my gait as I did with the Requip or Sinemet, however, but I'm still on the samples. When I go back to the Neurologist next Friday, it may be that he will order a prescription for a higher dose or more doses, which might make the difference. Anyway, even if the dose stays where it is now, it seems like a reasonable trade off between stomach problems and balance and walking problems. I'd love to walk better, but I can live with it the way it is now, if I have to. It's nice not to spend part of every day miserable, with a hot pad on my tummy!

I said at first the Zelepar didn't taste bitter, however, I'd better amend that evaluation. Yes, it is bitter, but not enough to bother me, anyway. (The trick is to be sure you place it under, not on, the tongue.) It dissolves under my tongue so quickly that it's just a few seconds, and I can swallow it. You're not allowed to drink or eat anything for at least 5 minutes before or after taking it, but my saliva quickly washes the taste away.

We're still staying with my Daddy, which means I spend most of my days and every night in a hot house. We tried to find a compromise temperature for the thermostat, but at 101, he gets too cold, while we're still sweltering. I have noticed that I'm having more trouble with the heat this week, since I've been on the Zelepar, than I was before I started taking it. I'm getting what feels exactly like hot flashes several times a day, and I've been past that stage for some time now. I have read that Parkinson's can mess with the body's regulation of internal temperature, so I guess that's what's happening to me right now. Or is it because of the Zelepar? I really don't know.

I was on Requip before starting the Zelepar. Requip is a dopamine agonist, but Zelepar is an MAO-inhibitor, so they don't attack the PD symptoms the same way. There's big news in the Birmingham News today that a doctor at UAB is close to getting FDA approval for a patch version of a dopamine agonist. That will be good news for me, as the Requip did a better job of improving my balance and walking than it looks like the MAO-inhibitors are going to. I'm all for any PD med that I don't have to swallow!! So this is something else for me to be hopeful about.

It's great to see that there is good news on the horizon for the large number of people who really suffer with this disease. My own symptoms and discomfort level are so mild compared to people who have had Parkinson's for years. I pray that all this new research may bring them relief in the near future, instead of years from now.

My Digestive System Is Behaving! Not So Sure about Us??

It looks like the Gastroenterologist has found the right combination to get my digestive system working again in a manageable way. I haven't had any pain or bloating now for several days, and I've been able to eat some things I wouldn't have dreamed of trying just last week. I still don't have an appetite, but I still need to lose weight, too! So I'll count that as a blessing for right now.

We had our Date Day today, instead of yesterday, because our respite care giver couldn't come yesterday. We had an enjoyable day together, not really doing much, but just relaxing. With my balance as wacky as it is right now, there's not much else we could do.

Daddy, DH, and I had our first big flare up of tempers this evening. It was just a matter of time before it happened. We've been trying to stall it by getting out of the house a couple of days each week, but it was inevitable.

Daddy hates the idea of having anybody in his house, doing things he would normally be doing, or changing his routines. He's been independent too long to take easily to having DH and me here, and certainly to having Frances here two days a week. And he hates not being able to take care of himself any more.

We've understood how he felt, so we've been biting our tongues ever since he fell, as his bitterness shows through in almost everything he says to us. Hopefully this show of temper on all our parts will clear the air for a little while, but that remains to be seen.

So my relaxing day had a somewhat dramatic end, but as thick as the tension has been around here, it may well have been for the best in the long run. I can only hope so.

Tapering Off Requip

When I went to my Neurologist last Tuesday, we decided I would stop taking the Requip, since it was probably the cause of all my stomach problems, other than the PD itself. Also, it was the likely culprit for my hair loss. So, Dr. S. told me to taper off the Requip before I changed over to the samples of Zelepar he gave me. That meant last week I only had two pills a day, instead of the usual three. Starting Tuesday of this week, I've only been taking one a day.

Dopamine is the brain chemical that controls muscle movement, and that's the one that people with Parkinson's no longer make enough of. Requip tricks the brain into accepting the chemical in it as a substitute for the dopamine, so it's called a dopamine agonist. Now that I'm down to one pill a day, I can really tell it! My balance is terrible, and my walking is stilted and jerky.

As long as DH can take over the care giving tasks I'm not up to, I'll continue to do as much as I can to help Daddy. We've only got to make it until next Wednesday, and then I can start taking the new medicine. Zelepar, a special form of the medicine called Selegiline, is a different type of Parkinson's medicine entirely. It is an MAO-inhibitor. I've read what that means a dozen times now, but I still don't understand it well enough to put it in my own words LOL.

The reason Dr. S. is trying this particular prescription is that it dissolves on the tongue and does not go through my digestive system. It goes straight into the blood stream. With the improvement in stomach comfort that I'm seeing from the Miralax and glycerin suppository combination, I'm hoping this new medicine will be the perfect one for me for the time being.

I do know that at some point I will have to go back to taking Sinemet, which was the first medicine I took. It nauseated me, too, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, because there is a patch form of it in drug trials now.

So for the next few days I'll be weaving and lurching around here like I'm drunk, but I can put up with it, knowing there's something new to try just days away. I am ever thankful to God that there are so many researchers working to find new ways of fighting the symptoms of this disease, working on ways to slow its progress down, and ultimately to cure it.

So I'm Stopping the Requip

I went to my Neurologist today, and we discussed my digestive problems, hair loss LOL, and insomnia. His solution was to taper off the Requip until I have quit taking it completely and see what happens to my stomach problems. He also gave me a prescription for a time release version of Ambien. And, of course, if it was the Requip that was causing the hair loss, stopping the Requip will take care of that situation.

I told him about writing to the National Parkinson's Foundation "Ask the Doctor" site, and what that doctor suggested. So he's given me some samples of the medicine the NPF doctor suggested I try. I'm not supposed to use it until I've completely stopped the Requip, if I can possibly stand it. But I explained we were taking care of my Daddy, and I might not be able to put up with my impaired walking that long. He wants me to try, so he can get a fair assessment of how the new medicine works, but he does understand our situation.

He gave me samples of Zelepar, one of the brand names of Selegiline. It dissolves on the tongue, so it does not go through the digestive system at all, but straight into the blood stream. I have high hopes for this medicine. It is also a different type of medicine than I have had before. This one is an MAO inhibitor. I'll have to do some research to fully understand what that means.

I am very thankful that all the research over the last few years means there are a lot more different types of medicines for him to try on me than there used to be for Parkinson's. None of them slow down the disease, or do anything at all to cure it, but they do help with the symptoms. For now, that is a blessing. Hopefully, in my lifetime, they will find ways of at least slowing the disease down. And who knows, maybe they'll even find a cure.

We Went on a Date Today!!

Thanks to being able to hire the same sitter we had used several years ago, when we were taking care of my mother and father in law, we were able to go out on our Date Day today! It was wonderful to get out of the house and know that Daddy would be well taken care of.

I set a fairly light itinerary for the day, since I knew I was so tired, but I did want to at least go to a few Estate Sales. We had very good luck at one of them, since we caught them at that stage when they just wanted to get rid of everything. That doesn't happen very often, but when we're lucky enough to find a real sale like that, we usually leave with some real bargains. Today was no exception. Now all I have to do (HA!) is find the time to photograph everything we bought and write up the descriptions, so we can put them up for sale on eBay.

I managed to take several doses of Tylenol during the day without DH realizing it, as I didn't want him to know that I was so achy. I was determined that our day together not be spoiled. I only used the cane at one house, because the driveway was very steep, but my walking was stiff and awkward feeling all day today. That's a sure sign of just how tired I am.

I had a bad headache today, too, something I rarely have any more. I suspect that's because I'm still not getting enough sleep. I've already had my night medicine and a sleeping pill, as I write this, and I plan to go to sleep as soon as I finish this post. I'm really not having that much trouble going to sleep. It's staying asleep that's giving me trouble. And, of course, my tummy couldn't get through the day without putting up a fuss. I was extra careful to eat bland foods, but here I sit, with the hot pad across my middle, trying to make things feel better.

Still Increasing Requip Doses

I'm still increasing the dose size of the Requip very gradually, and this week I'm only taking the half Sinemet and Lodocyn twice a day. I'm not up to a full Requip dose yet, because my walking is not up to normal yet. I can still feel the trembling, particularly on my right side. I can't balance on my right foot, either, and it's still difficult to go down steps without holding on and being very careful. But it's getting there. I see the Neurologist again the first week in November, so he should be able to tell by then just how much more Requip I need. Hopefully, when I get off the Sinemet, my tummy will settle down completely. I sure hope so.

I'm continuing to try to get just as much exercise as I can, and we're eating as healthy as we possibly can, too. I've even started back to putting items on eBay. That's something I just about had quit doing, while I was so sick with the colitis, and when I was having so much trouble walking. I need to get back to a regular routine, though. We can't keep going to the estate sales if I don't start selling some of our purchases, right?

My Legs Were All but Frozen this Morning

It was all I could do to walk this morning, so for the first time ever, I used the cane when I went to fix breakfast for Daddy. Before I was on the medicine, I was able to hold onto furniture and walk enough, so I could hide how bad off I was from Daddy, since his vision is so bad. But I didn't have a choice this morning. He was upset, but I couldn't help it. I've been gradually telling him what's going on, so I could keep it from being such a shock, anyway.

Our pharmacy does have voice mail on when they're not open, so the doctor's call went through yesterday evening. Trouble is, our pharmacist doesn't have the medicine and can't get it until tomorrow. So we checked with a nearby town's CVS, but they didn't have a full amount of the prescription. My DH got the prescription, but it took several hours for it to be ready.

We finally got the medicine about 1:00PM, so I took the Sinemet and the Lodosyn together, and I had a baked potato for lunch at 1:30. I dozed a bit, but so far the legs are still very wobbly.

Lodosyn is an additional dose of Carbidopa, added to the Carbidopa that is already in the Sinemet. It does not help with the Parkinson's symptoms, but it helps control the bad side effects of the Lodopa in the Sinemet, which is what changes into Dopamine in the brain. That helps to replace what the brain is no longer producing.

Experimenting with the Walker

I decided, after wearing myself slap out using the walker the last few weeks, that I needed to try something a little different. So we've been looking for another walker at the thrift stores, thinking I might try putting wheels on all four legs. We found one yesterday, and I put the wheels on this morning. I've only tried it in the house today, but it feels wonderful. I think a lot of the tiredness was coming from the resistance I was getting from dragging the tennis ball covered back legs across the carpet or the cement.

DH brought home a Prevention magazine from the grocery store today that has an article about a set of leg exercises in it, using one of those balancing balls. We bought one at a yard sale a few weeks ago, thinking I might be able to do some therapy with it. I'm going to ask the Neurologist Monday if I can do any of these exercises, as they look reasonable to me. I'm also planning on asking him if he can tell if this PN is permanent or temporary. I know it may be too soon for him to know, but I need to at least ask. I've been this way almost a year now, so I think I've been pretty patient.

Diagnosis is Taking Too Loooooong!!!

I went to the Neurologist again yesterday, and was disappointed with the visit, to tell the truth. I know he's a busy man, because we purposefully picked the very best Neurologist we could get. But I feel like he's so busy that this whole process of diagnosing is dragging on interminably, because the appointments are so far apart, and so little seems to be accomplished each time I see him. It's that last part that has me disappointed.

He wanted us to get the full study from the doctor who did the EMG, so he could read through it. If his nurse had called us prior to yesterday's visit, we could already have gotten it, and he could have had that already done. As it is, he still doesn't know if he will want me to undergo that test again, so I'm feeling very frustrated. We went and got the report and brought it straight back to Dr. S's office, and I have another appointment in two weeks.

He did say, after looking at the MRI that we had taken to him of my last lumbar vertebrae series, that he now agrees with the Orthopedic doctor that my Peripheral Neuropathy was not caused by my Degenerative Disk Disease. So, it's not my brain, and it's not my back.

He had a lot of blood tests done, and I have to do a 24 hour urine catch on Sunday/Monday and return the jug to the lab Monday. That's to test for heavy metals, since we do live within a quarter of a mile of an EPA toxic waste site that's cleaned up now, but we lived here many of the years the factory was in operation.

It's looking more and more like he thinks I have Parkinson's, even though I'm not exhibiting a lot of the typical symptoms.

Of course, I'm still holding out that it's just from all the stress I've been under and still am under. I'm writing this post from my 101 year old Daddy's house. He usually stays by himself, and I come in to fix breakfast and supper. Meals on Wheels brings lunch. We call him during the day, and that is usually enough, but he was awfully weak this morning and hurting in his back, so I've stayed with him today, and I'll spend the night here.

This whole business of every step feeling like I was dragging my feet through molasses started sometime last October, but our DD was in the hospital then, and I was staying with her, so I put off doing anything about it until March. The epidurals the Orthopedic Dr. prescribed did a great job of getting rid of the pain, but the walking did not improve. So here I am, and it's September, almost a year later, and I'm still wading through mud with every step. Let's just say my patience is wearing pretty thin.

A Weary Day Today

My legs have been dragging all day today, and I've been sighing a lot. I'm just tired all over, and I'm not exactly sure why. It may be the Dyflucan tablet I took last night that's doing it. I hope it's something that simple. I've been through two bottles of Nystatin, and I still have a little thrush on the back of my tongue, and the rest of my tongue is still coated. All this as a result of the high powered antibiotics it took to knock out the colitis I had up until a few weeks ago.

I had planned on going to church tonight, but it started raining a little before it was time to go, and DH was reluctant for me to get out, after being so tired all day. Oh well, I'll try again next Wednesday.

First Dream / Difficulty Walking

I had my first dream last night in which I was walking the way I'm walking now. The "me" in the dream was very old, but it was definitely me, and the walk was definitely my walk. I would have thought my dreams would have continued to be of my normal walk. I've wondered before if quadraplegics' dreams had them walking or not. Now I guess I know the answer to that one.

I woke up super early this morning. I'm hoping I can blog for a little while and then go back to sleep, but that remains to be seen. Right now, I'm not even yawning.

NOT Stupid Walker

I swallowed my silly pride and used the walker at church this morning. After the first few people stopped me to ask if I was worse, and I assured them I wasn't, I got used to it, and it wasn't so bad after all. It really did make the long walk from the car to our Sunday School room soooo much easier. I can walk more naturally with it, too, which should help my muscles get back to a normal gait, I hope.

I realize now that I should have been using a walker for the last few months, but Dr. B is the only medical person who has told me I should have one, so I figured I wasn't bad off enough to need it. And he didn't just tell me, he fussed at me big time. Now I'm glad he did!!

Is My Mind Playing Tricks on Me??

Another reason I'm afraid of using a walker in public is that I'll be setting myself up for future embarrassment. I'll have to explain that one.

My original back flare up, that precipitated this difficulty walking, was caused by spending the better part of this last year taking care of our older daughter, as she was in and out of the hospital something like ten times for about 60 days total. I stayed with her constantly with each hospital trip, "sleeping" in a recliner, and my back paid for it.

I took care of her at home in between hospital visits, too, often getting up in the middle of the night for hours dealing with her needs. I all but single handedly packed and unpacked their things, as the apartment our SIL and she were in was not handicap accessible. The apartment people moved them from one apartment to a better one that she could get in and out of easily, and it had an extra bathroom, too, which was a big help. All that packing and unpacking took its toll on my back, too.

I survived by just about living off of Goody powders that whole year, as I kept a backache and a headache almost constantly. So why am I worried about being embarrassed??

Our daughter developed Peripheral Neuropathy as a result of nutritional deficiencies from Gastric Bypass surgery that she had had almost a year and a half before. In a matter of a couple of weeks, she went from noticing being a little clumsy to not being able to hardly stand at all!! It took them quite a while, with lots of second opinions and tons of tests to decide on a diagnosis and course of treatment, but she's doing fine now.

What worries me is that the stress of all this may have caused me to develop a psychosomatic illness, triggered by the very real pain I was experiencing from my herniated disk. When the epidurals took care of the pain, the walking did not improve. Here I am, with Peripheral Neuropathy, after helping our DD, who has Peripheral Neuropathy?? Sounds a little fishy to me, don't you think?? Oh, and before you jump to a wrong conclusion, dear reader, she's adopted, so that rules out a genetic link.

Our family knows just how much stress I have been under for some time, as I have been the care giver for my mother and FIL with Alzheimer's, my DH with cancer, and have had surgery myself, besides taking care of our DD. I've also been the main care giver for my Daddy, who is now 101, lives by himself, and is legally blind. Yes, he's amazing!

My family will understand if I am suddenly "cured", because it turned out to be all in my mind, and not a physical problem. I'm not so sure others will be so forgiving, but will think I was trying to get sympathy or something, using the walker when I didn't "need" it.

Stupid Walker

Dr. B made me promise yesterday that I would get a walker, and I know he's right. I've just been putting it off as long as I could, hoping I'd get better on my own.

Well, I haven't, yet.

I know I've been silly about it, but I've been resistant to the idea to be seen in public, particularly at church, using a walker. It's stupid, I know, but it's like it's an admission that something's really wrong, if that makes sense.

Anyway, once I finally wrapped my head around the image of me using one, I remembered someone at church whose mother had used one before she died, and I'm borrowing that one. Somehow, borrowing one doesn't seem quite as bad as buying one. It seems more temporary.

It's been funny trying to learn how to use the scooters at the grocery store and at Wal-Mart. That doesn't seem to bother me, because I get up and walk to the car. And, besides, they're fun!! LOL

I think part of the reason I don't want to "give in" to the walker is that people will see me differently. Before I was just walking really slow, now they will think I'm worse, when I'm really not. It makes me feel really old, too, and I don't like that feeling, either. I may look old, but I don't feel old inside, doggonit!!

My Other Problem

Part of what has made diagnosing all this trouble walking so difficult, and has slowed down being able to deal with it, is that I have finally finished an almost 4 month long battle with the dreaded diarrhea. Once I was finally diagnosed with colitis and put on some very powerful medicines, I did start to improve. But by that time I had already fainted, had stitches in my head, and gotten so weak it was all I could do to walk at all.

The walking difficulties came before the colitis did, though, so the basic problem still exists. Even now that my digestive system is getting back to normal, I still can't walk normally.

My Gastroenterologist, Dr. B, is beginning to taper me off of some of the high powered medicines he had to use to get my system under control, so that may help me walk better, too. We'll just have to wait and see. I'm to cut one pill back for the next 7 to 10 days and let his nurse know how I'm doing. Based on what I tell her, she'll give me instructions on what to cut back on next.

I was able to map out an Estate Sale/Yard Sale shopping tour for us today that didn't involve a whole lot of walking, and we both had a great time. Friday has been our Date Day ever since we retired, and it sure was nice to spend most of the day normally, even if I did have a doctor's appointment.

I was hoping we would find a walker, but we didn't. Dr. B fussed at me for not using one, and I told him we'd been looking for one. He made me promise him that I would get one, so I guess we're buying a walker.

New Blog with Beta Blogger

I thought I'd give the new Beta Blogger a try with a new blog about my problems using my legs. You'll see me trying different templates and doodads as I fiddle with this new system. From time to time I may do a post about what I'm trying out with the beta.

But mainly, I wanted a place to talk about the strange goings on with my walking. Just a little background material. I do have an old herniated lumbar disk that flares up and causes trouble from time to time, and I have spurs on some cervical vertebrae that also give me fits at times. I've had numerous epidurals over the years for both. There have been several episodes when my back was hurting, as it was this last year, when the sciatic nerve was involved, where I had trouble walking. Every other time, the walking improved and went back to normal with time when the back healed. It didn't happen that way this time.

After the series of epidurals took care of the back pain in April, I still have not been able to take a normal step. Every step is like picking up lead weights, and it's all I can do to move my feet. There's no pain, but it doesn't take much walking to exhaust me completely. So, mostly I've been sitting and working on the computer for the last few months, waiting for doctor's appointments, first with the orthopedist, then with the EMG tech, and now with the best Neurologist we could find.