This is a Hard Post to Write

I saw my Neurologist yesterday, and it turns out I did have good reason to be apprehensive about the appointment.

First of all, he agreed that I did not have any business having the epidurals on my cervical vertebrae. So, I called my Orthopedist to let them know that they could schedule the Physical Therapy, but not the epidurals. They called back later, and have already faxed the prescription to the PT I used last time, which is close to home. So, hopefully, I will be getting some relief from the neck pain and stiffness soon. Holidays, of course, will be in the way of a regular schedule, so who knows when I will actually start the sessions. It could easily be the beginning of next year.

He also took me off of the Levadopa/Carbidopa plus Lodosyn meds that the ER doc had added to my treatment, since it didn't seem to be helping much at all. Taking too much of these meds can cause dyskinesia, which is involuntary movements. That may be why I had such an odd tremor develop of late, plus all the facial and tongue tics I have been experiencing.

But the news from the exam that has me so upset right now is that he is no longer sure I have Parkinson's. He watched me walk, and I was so nervous by then that he got to see me at my worst. Both legs bobbing up and down like I was trying to walk across the floor of one of those carnival blow up bounce machines, and having to hold out my arms to the sides to keep my balance. Turning around and coming back towards him was just as bad. He had me take off my socks and shoes, and he did all the usual hitting with the hammer. He scraped the bottom of each foot, and also suddenly pushed both feet straight up several times, in a slapping kind of motion.

I have had the foot scrape thing done many times before, and I know what that was testing me for - the Babinski effect. That's a test I failed some years ago when I was seeing a different Neurologist for migraine headaches. As far as I know I have not failed it since then. It has to do with the way your toes curl or straighten out when a hard object is scraped from the heel towards the toes. The normal reflex is to curl the toes inward. If the toes spread out, with the big toe stretching upward, it's a sign of a lower extremity nerve problem. I don't know if I passed it this time or not. He didn't say, and I was too upset to ask. I have tried to look up what the sudden slapping of my feet upward meant, as I have never had that done to me before, but I haven't been able to come up with the right search terms yet to find out what that was all about. He did move my arms around, while I kept them relaxed, and said he did not feel any cog wheeling. That's something he would expect to find if I had Parkinson's, and he has said in the past that he did feel it. It has something to do with the tremors, but that's about all I know about cog wheeling.

They have made an appointment for me with the Chair of the Neurology Department at the University of Alabama in Birmingham. He is the Movement Disorder Specialist in this area, and is supposed to be my best chance of finding out what is wrong with me. Parkinson's effects people in so many different ways, it may yet turn out to be the PD that my Neuro had initially diagnosed.

But for now, he has listed my diagnosis as the Peripheral Neuropathy plus Gait Debility. I'm back to that "not knowing" stage, and it is extremely upsetting for me, and for my dear sweet hubby. Of course, as you might expect with the chair of the department, I can't get an appointment until the end of April. That's going to be a long, long wait that is not going to be easy.

I felt such relief when my Neuro put a name to what was happening to me - even if it was that I had Parkinson's. Now I am in limbo again, and I hate it.

Hubby has asked that I stop reading and researching about Parkinson's for awhile, just to be sure that I have not been subconsciously absorbing the symptoms that I was reading about. That's a fair request, so I have said a temporary goodbye to my Parkie friends on PatientsLikeMe, and will not be doing any PD research for awhile. I am going to continue to try to find out more about Peripheral Neuropathy, though, because there is no doubt that I have that. Unlike Parkinson's, there are definitive tests for PN, which I most definitely have.

I don't know how to adequately explain how I am feeling about all this right now. It's almost as if I found out I was adopted, or something like that. It's like my identity has been ripped to shreds, if that makes sense. I have developed some really close friendships with some wonderful PWP over the last year. Now, with one sentence, my Neuro has put the nature of that relationship in limbo.

This NOT KNOWING stage I am in again is very hard to deal with. I am vacillating between being scared of something worse than Parkinson's, and being relieved that it could be something less progressive in nature than PD.

God is forever trying to teach me patience, and reliance on Him, rather than my own abilities. Looks like He is working on that big time right now. We haven't actually said anything out loud, but I think hubby and I are going to keep this turn of events to ourselves for now. I can't see any good reason to add this uncertainty to our children's lives. They have enough to worry about on their own. So, I will pour out my feelings here on my blog, since no one who knows me personally ever reads it.

Two Ruptured Cervical Disks - No Wonder I'm Hurting!

I talked with my Orthopedist's PA the other day, and she confirmed what I already knew. The disks are bulging on the two cervical vertebrae that are degenerating, and that's what is causing the pain and stiffness. She doesn't want to make an anesthesiologist appointment to get an epidural there until I have a chance to talk to my Neurologist. I see him Wednesday. I did ask that she talk to my Neuro's nurse, rather than expect me to relay messages. It seems that the ER did not send any information to him about my time in the ER in September, when I had the horrible drug interaction with a steroid shot. So his nurse was completely surprised to hear I had a bad reaction.

So, we'll be going to the hospital to sign the release form to get the records to take to my Neuro.

I continue to be concerned and in prayer for several Parkie buddies on the PatientsLikeMe site, who have been diagnosed with skin cancers. One has Melanoma, and the other has Squamous Cell Cancer. Both were caught early, with every reason to believe they will be just fine. We are all praying for their recovery.

There is another woman on there who's brother also has PD, who had unrelated surgery, and to quote her - "his brain is mush." She said he has already tried to leave the hospital. When I thought I was going to have to have surgery back a few months ago, I learned all kinds of scary things about how difficult it is for PWP to have any kind of anesthesia without serious side effects. Also, it is very difficult to get hospitals to keep the PD meds coming on time. And that can mean the difference between being mobile and thinking normally, and not.

I wore my new "Sunday" shoes today, and I really like them. They help with my balance, they feel good on, and they are unobtrusive. I doubt if anyone has even noticed that I'm not wearing dress shoes. I don't feel the least bit self conscious in them, so if someone has noticed them - I don't care.

I am having one problem, though, that came unexpectedly. Last night I noticed a red itchy place on my wrist where the back of the Timex watch is against my skin. I had noticed that the skin was getting slick and shiny there a couple of weeks ago, so I started taking it off at night to go to sleep. Evidently I didn't heed the warning in time, as I now have a nice round ringworm there. It's been holding too much moisture against my skin, as it is fairly tight. It's a big man size watch, and not particularly comfortable, but I was willing to tolerate it, because it is so helpful. I may end up taking the band off, and just keeping it in my pocket.

I have not been able to do much exercising for the last month, partly because of my neck, but mostly because my DH over did it and his Sciatica is acting up again. I've been so busy working on the requests on our Plush Memories blog that I have been sitting still more than I probably should be. I've not been doing the Tai Chi, either. I know I really need to get back with a scheduled exercise program, the way I was before.

So, some things improve, while other new aggravations begin. Not so different than what happens to everyone, right?

Wonderful Cortisone

I went to the Orthopedist yesterday and talked to him about my knee and shoulder. I'm satisfied that the shoulder is responding well to the Physical Therapy, and I can tell that the leg, hip, and thigh muscles have strengthened since I've been going to PT, but my knee still will not straighten all the way out, and getting up and down from a chair still is extremely painful. So, he's put in a request with my insurance for the MRI, so we'll both know what's going on in there.

He did ask me if I wanted a Cortisone shot, and said it might give me relief for anywhere from a few days to a few months. The shot hurt something horrible going in, and the knee was awfully sore yesterday, but it's not hurting now! It's been so long since I could sit down without inwardly, or sometimes outwardly, groaning, that this is quite a pleasant change. I pray that I will be one of the ones to get long term relief with the shot. I've always had good success with epidurals lasting a long time, so I'm optimistic.

I did ask about going back for more PT, and his PA told me I needed to check with my insurance to see how many times they will authorize. She said I might want to keep some therapy sessions available, just in case I do end up having surgery. It's a shame that insurance companies control decisions like this, not the doctors and therapists who know how much I need this. I have good insurance though, so I'll be talking to them Monday to find out where I stand.

I had already decided before I got hurt taking care of Daddy that I would join a fitness "club" run by St. Vincent's hospital in Birmingham after he died, but the knee put that on hold. They have a program where you pay for a complete evaluation of your physical condition and they supervise your exercise program, with quarterly checkups of your progress with a Physical Therapist. They have all kinds of equipment, a pool, and lots of different classes I can take. I've been chatting back and forth with Lynda of Pilates & Reiki in Paradise about possible nearby instructors suitable for a person with Parkinson's, and oddly enough, this is the very Pilates class she suggested. Small world.

So, for the time being at least, I'm pain free, with plans for keeping it that way. We're going on our usual Date Day today, and by the time I've been in and out of the car dozens of times today, I'll know if I'm going to be one of the lucky one for whom Cortisone is a wonder drug. Wish me luck!!

New Blog with Beta Blogger

I thought I'd give the new Beta Blogger a try with a new blog about my problems using my legs. You'll see me trying different templates and doodads as I fiddle with this new system. From time to time I may do a post about what I'm trying out with the beta.

But mainly, I wanted a place to talk about the strange goings on with my walking. Just a little background material. I do have an old herniated lumbar disk that flares up and causes trouble from time to time, and I have spurs on some cervical vertebrae that also give me fits at times. I've had numerous epidurals over the years for both. There have been several episodes when my back was hurting, as it was this last year, when the sciatic nerve was involved, where I had trouble walking. Every other time, the walking improved and went back to normal with time when the back healed. It didn't happen that way this time.

After the series of epidurals took care of the back pain in April, I still have not been able to take a normal step. Every step is like picking up lead weights, and it's all I can do to move my feet. There's no pain, but it doesn't take much walking to exhaust me completely. So, mostly I've been sitting and working on the computer for the last few months, waiting for doctor's appointments, first with the orthopedist, then with the EMG tech, and now with the best Neurologist we could find.